For magpiemythos

[shieldborne]

((continued from here))

After a confusing, worrisome evening spent together, Steve seems to feel he and Loki have hit some kind of new level in their friendship. He's less wry and cagey, a little more overly solicitous and warm; still, in the cold light of day he's a lot more awkward about both physical and emotional intimacy, and if Loki reverts to his usual teasing banter, Steve will fall into the same comfort zone.

He thinks about him often when he's not there, though. Hoping he's found a safer, kinder way to fight his demons. Fearing he hasn't, and feeling helpless to do anything more about that than he already has. At least now, Loki won't have to initiate all their contacts. He'll get occasional texts and calls from Steve, asking if he wants something at a store, if he's seen x or y movie, whether he's all right.

The others are a little bemused about Steve's increasingly less subtle interest in their otherworldly acquaintance. Some of them are openly skeptical, afraid he could be being played, but since no one has anything against Loki, it remains a topic of quiet, civil debate.

It's early in the evening this time when Steve texts Loki. Just a brief note, and he doesn't entirely expect a response: They're trying to convince me to get a tattoo of a bald eagle with a tear running down its face. It's a conspiracy, they're all in on it.

I doubt it would last long with my healing factor even if I did.

How's your evening going?

Comments

[magpiemythos]

This one... hadn't really injured him. Not physically anyways, they'd been almost coddling and sweet in a way that had just made everything else that they had done worse. Emotional barbs were easy to shrug off if flung in aggression, but this was entirely different.

'I'm not leaving.'

A low sound slipping from him, small and sharp at that, and even Loki would be hard-pressed to decide if it was supposed to be laughter or a sob. But no other sound was forthcoming as he shifted under the warm, heavy weight of the jacket being settled over him, like he just wanted to disappear under it entirely but didn't have the will or energy to want to move enough to manage it. Not budging, not responding other than a low noise of assent at what Steve was saying, head tilting slightly into the reassuring feel of the touch to his hair.

[shieldborne]

Steve does not especially want to climb into the tub with him. Not that a little cool water would damage him, but it doesn't look comfortable. His short-term goal, therefore, is going to have to be coaxing him up and into the living room, bedroom, or even into the hall where there's more space to get alongside him and hold him close.

He means it, though. He has no intention of leaving, at least until he can be sure Loki is cognizant and stable enough to care for himself. Even then, he might be hard to chase away.

The tilt into his touch makes Steve give a little sigh, grateful he's getting that much response at least. What he'd do with a catatonic demigod, he doesn't know. Probably he'd have had to call Thor out of sheer anxiety and that might not have ended well.

But that is a bullet dodged so far, so he keeps stroking him, leaning across the chilly porcelain to rest his forehead against the other man's temple. "I was worried when you didn't text me back. It's okay, I'm not mad, but I had to come check on you."

His breath is warm, ghosting against Loki's ear.

[magpiemythos]

Steve had his work cut out for him here either way. Loki didn't seem willing or able to move much, other than that shift to lean into his touch, craving the reassurance inherent in it. Something pleading in his gaze, though it was questionable if he even knew what he wanted at this point.

A slight movement that might have been a small nod in response to what Steve was saying, but otherwise he didn't seem like he'd be budging anytime soon, especially with how he was still trembling under Steve's coat, fingers flexing slightly in their grip before his hands moved to instead cross over his chest, latching onto the jacket to draw it more securely around himself. Soothed somewhat by the warmth of it, the fact that it was Steve's.

Small things, but progress all the same.

[shieldborne]

"Aww," he murmurs a little nonsensically. "Sshh, sshh. Take your time, I've got all night. Just breathe for a little bit and come on back nice and slow, and I'll wait for you."

He nudges him lightly with his forehead, then gives him a kiss on the temple. "You like the coat?" He resumes speaking softly, more because he wants Loki to continue to hear his voice than because he wants to talk about his own clothing. "I got it at a secondhand store in Queens. They told me it was vintage and I laughed because it's less than half my age."

His arm comes around Loki's back, strong and supportive.

[magpiemythos]

It was all... soft. Reassuring. Kind, without the undercurrent of something hurtful, and it was so very much what he needed. Just leaning a bit closer, using the side of the tub to keep himself upright with a small, quiet sound for the affection offered, something at least edging it's way towards some semblance of calm.

And he did want, need to hear Steve speak. Grateful that the man seemed to guess it, that he filled the quiet with that small little tale rather than letting the silence linger. He normally didn't mind quiet, but at the moment it was nothing more than an echo chamber for things he didn't want to hear, thoughts and still-fresh hurts that he'd been trying so hard to push to the side. But Steve's voice was enough to cut through that, Loki letting out a small 'hm' that sounded almost amused at the tale. And it was so easy for Loki to just sink back against the man's arm around him, trusting that Steve would keep him steady, craving that contact and the stability it offered.

[shieldborne]

He can feel Loki starting to respond a little more, can hear the little near-chuckle in his voice. Encouraged, Steve nuzzles his hair and puts his other arm around him too, stroking up and down his shoulder through the coat.

"Tell you what we should do one of these days," he murmurs, deciding to keep going since he's getting a good reaction. "Just take a day off, I'll show you the old neighborhood I used to live in. A lot has changed, but my school is still there, and the library, and some of the little corner stores are still hanging on."

He gives a gentle squeeze. "If you like doughnuts, there's a bakery down there that still makes them fresh every day. Fancier flavors now. When I was a kid it was just plain, sugar, or cinnamon."

[magpiemythos]

Loki wasn't entirely sure, but something told him that Steve was the only one who would ever really be able to coax him out of moods like this, at least as easily as he seemed to be able to. He was still... unsteady, still needed time and reassurance, but the man was making headway. And the face that he cared enough to try meant more than Loki could really imagine putting into words.

With both arms around him, Loki felt himself starting to relax, at least a bit. Not trembling as badly as before as he listened to Steve talking about the neighborhood he'd grown up in, the offer to take him around to see it. It was... surprising in a way, but even so, he felt that curl of affection in response, offering a small nod in reply to the idea. He would like that he thought. A quiet day where it was just the two of them, listening to Steve telling him all about the things he'd done and seen when he was growing up.

"...okay." Quiet still, a little cautious, but it was a response either way.

[shieldborne]

Steve feels a little surge of triumph when Loki speaks to him, a genuine delight that he's been able to coax him back even just this far. He's still worried, but they're getting somewhere, and if Loki is able to respond to him, that means he's not wounded beyond repair, physically or mentally.

He gives him a smile, small and worried but a burst of warmth nonetheless. "Yeah? I wouldn't want to go there alone. Might get me down, but I think it would be okay with a friend."

That's a deliberate choice on his part, 'with a friend'. Reminding Loki he's here because he wants to be, that they are friends, no matter how awkwardly that relationship may have come about. "We'll plan on it, then."

He kisses his temple again, lightly, then shifts his hold on him. "Right. Time to get you out of here, and out of these wet clothes."

It's a feat of strength, picking him up from ground level, particularly considering Loki's non-human physical composition, but Steve is apparently up to it. He braces and breathes deep and rises carefully so as not to hurt himself, but he can clearly carry him, and does, bridal-style, lifting him out of the tub and out of the room.

"You got a bedroom? Point me if you want." Otherwise, he'll put him on the couch.

[magpiemythos]

He was getting there at least. Nestling easily into Steve's grasp without hesitation, though there was a pause for Loki to glance up at him briefly at the comment and the reminder inherent in the words. He wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve it, but he'd somehow earned Steve's friendship, and he... wasn't sure how he felt.

Glad to be sure. Grateful definitely. But scared too. It just meant when something went wrong, Steve would be in line to get hurt, and Loki wasn't sure how he felt about that.

But whatever he was thinking, there was a quiet, disgruntled sort of huff when Steve had to release his hold on Loki, only settled somewhat when it was clear that the shift was only to change his grip. Loki knew Steve was strong enough to lift him, even if getting him out of the tub was a bit of an awkward angle. When Steve straightened, the trickster just shifted to burrow a bit more securely into his grasp, fingers curling in against his shirt as he hid his face against his shoulder.

"...On th'end." Mumbled a bit more than spoken, but he was unwilling to uncurl from how he'd settled in any way at least for the moment.

And luckily the room itself would be easy enough to navigate, fairly neat and organized if not for the absolute tangle that was his blankets and pillows, but that was nothing new. He never was one to make his bed.

[shieldborne]

They can argue about the implications later. Steve tends to assume he's the one who is risky to be friends with at this point, partly because he doesn't know the details of Loki's life, and partly because he figures if he's crossed dimensions anyway, he may have left the worst of them behind. But either way, he's not the kind of guy to be scared off by 'something might go wrong' or even 'something will inevitably go wrong'.

Steve has always been convinced he can make things different through sheer force of will.

"End of the hall?" he asks, following Loki's vague direction. Once he's on his feet it's easy enough to haul him around, and he nudges the bedroom door open with his foot, sweeping him inside and setting him carefully on the end of the bed.

Under other circumstances he'd be amused by the absolute heap of pillows and blankets. As it is, he's glad they're there, because Loki is going to leave wet behind him until Steve can get him out of his drenched outfit. A few extra layers of protection for the mattress are all for the best.

He sits beside him, cradling him against his chest for a moment and rocking slightly. "I know you want to hold on, and I want to let you, but we'll both be more comfortable if you get undressed first. Can we do that?"

He can wait a few minutes if Loki isn't ready to move yet. He's not going to force the issue. He'll feel better when they're more comfortable, though, and when he can stop worrying about hypothermia.

[magpiemythos]

Oh Steve. Loki sees himself as the biggest threat posed to any friend he might make, no matter how hard he was trying to change. To be a better person. So far it seemed like nothing was going to change.

He just nodded against Steve's shoulder at the clarification, but otherwise stayed put, letting Steve worry about where they were walking to. Calmer, agreeable. At least until he was set down, and Steve made his intent known. And kind patient tone or not, he just didn't seem to respond, though the slight tightening of Loki's grasp on him made it clear that the trickster had heard him. Now it was just a matter of convincing him that letting go was a good idea, temporary or not.

Because at the moment, wet clothing or no, he had absolutely zero intention of moving away, no matter how irrational it seemed.

[shieldborne]

He's not getting as much of a response this time, and that worries him quite a bit. Loki should be warmer and more comfortable here, and for a moment Steve worries he's jarred some kind of invisible injury and he's gone tense again because he's in pain.

The tightening of his grasp registers, though, and after a moment of fretting, Steve concludes that's a non-verbal answer to his question: no, we can't do that yet.

"All right," he hums, and leans back clumsily, pushing the blankets up behind him with one elbow. "I see how it's gonna be. Just remember this was your idea."

His tone is playful, devoid of real annoyance, and once he's made a decent spot for himself, he pulls Loki closer, setting him in his own lap and bending his knees up so he's curled around him. "There," his tone softens. "That any better?"

He can relate to wanting to be held, anyway. He remembers being kept warm through fevers and asthma as a child and a young adult. Remembers awkward body heat sharing on missions with the Commandos. This is okay.

[magpiemythos]

Once he was reassured that Steve wasn't about to press the issue just yet? Loki did relax some. Especially when he was tugged in closer and settled on the man's lap, just curling in as closely as he could manage with a small sigh.

"Yeah." This was good. He just settled into the offered embrace, head resting against Steve's shoulder, free arm slipping around to cling in return. He needed this, needed the warmth and security being so closely held offered, even if he'd not typically be one to admit it, especially when he was his usual self.

[shieldborne]

This is...this is sweet. Or it would be sweet if Loki wasn't cold and wet and if Steve wasn't worried about his mental state. The position, he likes, and he turns his head comfortably to rest his cheek on Loki's hair.

"I forgot to lock your front door behind me," he says, more for the purpose of keeping himself talking than anything else. "I guess that's not a big deal. Have you been out all day?"

He's going to have to get him to eat and drink something, he imagines. Water at least. Once he's willing to let go.

[magpiemythos]

Loki definitely did like it. Sure, it would be better if he wasn't soaked through, but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to say a word about it just yet, knowing that Steve would want to get him out of his wet things. It was a good idea sure, and Steve was doing it because he cared, but at the same time Loki simply wasn't ready to move that much yet.

He shrugged lightly at the news his door was unlocked. When he was home, it didn't bother him that much. He'd lock it usually, but his wards tended to be enough to keep the average intruder out.

"There's still wards." Said quietly sure, but enough words to actually count as a full sentence. Progress being made.

A small nod at the question that followed, the gesture melting to a slight nuzzle after.

[shieldborne]

"Wards?" Steve isn't familiar with the terms he uses, although he understands things he considers magic are very much a part of Loki's day to day life. "I'm gonna have questions for you later."

He's genuinely curious. Of course, he also wants to give Loki the third degree about what exactly he got himself into tonight. Scolding him is not what he needs right now, though. It's also not what Steve needs. He'd like to pretend this is an aberration, something that's never happened before and won't be happening ever again, rather than part of a frightening pattern.

"All right. You're going to need to...oh." His voice trails off at the nuzzle. He was about to insist on food and water, but just that little touch derails him. Loki's skin is cold against his neck, but it feels pleasant anyway, like a kiss on a winter afternoon.

[magpiemythos]

He just gave a small nod at the idea, even if he knew he wasn't going to much enjoy the conversation he knew pretty much had to happen at this point. There was no way Steve would let it pass, not with the state he'd found Loki in.

He... wasn't looking forward to that part.

But thankfully he seemed more focused on what was happening right then. The comfort of arms around him as he squirmed slightly to tuck a bit more securely in against Steve, face coming to rest against his neck with a soft hum of noise, arms shifting to go around him to cling.

[shieldborne]

Steve goes quiet for a moment, struck by the feeling of being cuddled up to in spite of himself. He sinks back a little further with a sigh and runs his fingers through Loki's hair, letting his eyes fall closed.

"This...you're a little cold, but...it feels nice against me," he says after a moment, absently, like he's talking more to himself than to Loki.

"...is there any reason we can't do this without you getting yourself beat up first?" He sounds half-wry, half-plaintive. "I won't tell anyone if you won't."

[magpiemythos]

The silence was... okay this time. Maybe it was just the comfort of being cradled in close, or the feel of fingers in his hair. Something about it seemed to cut through the internal voice of criticism that almost seemed a constant for him lately.

Except when he was here with Steve, it seemed.

"...Didn't get beat up." Physically anyways, which is what he's assuming Steve was talking about. Emotionally was another story entirely, but why would anyone be worried about that with him?

[shieldborne]

"Yeah, you did," he says softly. "Don't kid yourself. You may not have any marks, but whatever they did this time was way too much. They said stuff to you?"

It's just a guess. He can only assume either outright verbal abuse or some other kind of intense psychological performance. One place where Loki doesn't have him fooled: Steve knows damn well however much stronger physically he is, however superhuman his intelligence, however powerful his magic, he's just as emotionally vulnerable as any mortal. Maybe more so. A being made of stories ought to be affected by words.

"I don't...participate in the rough sex scene much these days," he adds, awkward because he's talking about his sex life but feeling the need to make his point. "But when I did, I always stayed away from headgames. I don't get why some people like them. I never did. They go wrong way too easily."

"I got no right to tell you what to do, but I don't want you to do this again. Ever."

[magpiemythos]

Being called on that difference just earned a soft, low huff against Steve's shoulder, the trickster otherwise not budging. Because he was definitely right, no matter that Loki didn't want to admit it. But then on more than one level, especially in the sort of mindset that led him to seek out this sort of dysfunction, he felt he deserved it.

"...went wrong before." Said quietly, a slight affirmation that more than likely wasn't comforting because it definitely pointed to a rather unfortunate trend, not that Loki was thinking about that just now. "Shouldn'tve gone back to him."

A small grimace that wasn't visible, but Steve could likely feel against his shoulder. "Never been very good at doing the smart thing."

An understatement if there ever was one.

[shieldborne]

Steve swallows hard, threading his fingers through Loki's hair. there's a slight tremor in his hands, and he gathers him a little closer. "Loki...please don't make me watch you let yourself get broken."

His voice is steady, at least, but he's definitely upset. He takes a breath to calm himself, then tries again: "I know you're afraid of what you might become. And maybe you've already done some things you're not proud of. But this isn't going to help. You've got to take care of yourself, or at least let someone else take care of you."

Pot, meet kettle, but Steve's issues aren't what's on the table right now.

"I mean...god, this sounds callous, but what's more dangerous? A cornered, wounded animal, or a healthy one?"

His voice drops to the edge of audibility. "...anyway, I want you around. I need you."

[magpiemythos]

Loki could make the argument that he already was broken. He was an echo of what was, an echo of a deeply flawed version of himself, and all signs so far had pointed to him not being able to escape that. But at the same time for all he was sure his company would hurt Steve in the end, he couldn't bring himself to actually try and push the man away, as selfish a creature as he could be.

What he hadn't been expecting was that Steve might need him too. It was enough to have him drawing back, but only enough that he could make eye contact, something confused and wary in his gaze.

"...You need me?" The why unspoken, as if he couldn't imagine what anyone might want him around for. And really, he couldn't.

[shieldborne]

If Steve were really thinking about it, it would have occurred to him that while Loki might accept a rational argument, at least on the face of it, it wouldn't change his mind or his behavior for long. Because Steve operates the same way. Bucky would say logic just doesn't penetrate Steve's thick skull; he's got a way with words. Steve wouldn't necessarily say the same about Loki (at least not right now, while he's vulnerable), but it's interesting to recognize the similarity.

So when Loki looks up at him with visible confusion, Steve isn't really surprised. It took a lot for him to go so far as to say what he already did. Emotions are hard. Banter and caring for someone are much simpler. But that's not going to fly now.

He smiles gently, a little anxiously, and kisses Loki on the forehead. "Yeah. I just said so. I...have a hard time remembering to be Steve Rogers and not Captain America sometimes."

Or, like, all the time. "I dunno why, but you remind me. And you make me laugh and annoy me just enough to keep me on my toes and not quite enough to actually make me angry. I don't want to lose you."

[magpiemythos]

He didn't understand. It didn't make sense. People didn't want him around, not really. People were only interested in what he could do, or in making sure that he didn't cause trouble. And yet here was Steve, saying that he did want him around. That he actually liked spending time with Loki on account of him being Loki.

And for all the concept utterly terrified him, he liked it at the same time.

Loki didn't voice this though, just tucking in a bit more securely against Steve with a slight upturn of his face for that bit of affection. A small bit of a smile starting to ghost over his lips, even if he was still not back to his usual self.