For magpiemythos

[shieldborne]

((continued from here))

After a confusing, worrisome evening spent together, Steve seems to feel he and Loki have hit some kind of new level in their friendship. He's less wry and cagey, a little more overly solicitous and warm; still, in the cold light of day he's a lot more awkward about both physical and emotional intimacy, and if Loki reverts to his usual teasing banter, Steve will fall into the same comfort zone.

He thinks about him often when he's not there, though. Hoping he's found a safer, kinder way to fight his demons. Fearing he hasn't, and feeling helpless to do anything more about that than he already has. At least now, Loki won't have to initiate all their contacts. He'll get occasional texts and calls from Steve, asking if he wants something at a store, if he's seen x or y movie, whether he's all right.

The others are a little bemused about Steve's increasingly less subtle interest in their otherworldly acquaintance. Some of them are openly skeptical, afraid he could be being played, but since no one has anything against Loki, it remains a topic of quiet, civil debate.

It's early in the evening this time when Steve texts Loki. Just a brief note, and he doesn't entirely expect a response: They're trying to convince me to get a tattoo of a bald eagle with a tear running down its face. It's a conspiracy, they're all in on it.

I doubt it would last long with my healing factor even if I did.

How's your evening going?

Comments

[magpiemythos]

Loki wasn't sure what to make of things. He appreciated Steve, and the friendship he offered, especially given proof that he genuinely did care about the god as a person. It was something he needed more than he would ever admit, even if the implication was still in some ways frightening. But he couldn't bring himself to pull away. He did like Steve, and enjoyed the time they were able to spend together.

He noticed Steve's efforts to reach out to him, those little things that while maybe easy, simple, were enough to make him smile when he saw them. Grand gestures were one thing, but the little, daily things just seemed to stick with him more. So he often replied, with conversation, or some silly meme he'd found to share, or selfies taken in strange and unlikely places. If he did notice the other's concern about them, he didn't let it show. Pretended not to notice a thing off about it. He couldn't blame them, not really. Not with this reality's version of him and all he'd done. They'd have to be insane to not at least be wary.

It was only a few minutes later before Loki did reply though, no matter that this time of night he was usually in the middle of something.

Sounds like there's no reason for you to not give it a try then.

Seemingly normal, if not for the fact that it was... too normal. No missing punctuation, no 'u' or other silly little textspeak things that he'd often play up just to tease Steve.

It's going. Just got home.

A long, uncharacteristically long pause no indication other than the ellipses that indicated he was typing, but nothing more seeming to come.

Loki just stared down at the screen for the moment, finger hovering just over the 'send' button.

I'm in a bad place.
Please come I need your help.

But instead of sending the text, he just huffed a low sigh, letting the phone drop onto the end of the counter that divided the kitchen from living room, without turning the screen off. Turning instead to move further into the apartment, disappearing into the bathroom not even bothering with turning on any lights. Not like it mattered.

[shieldborne]

It's a fair point. If he did get a tattoo and didn't like it, there's a good chance it would resolve itself in a very short while. Steve just isn't sure what the eagle's tear is meant to be apropos of. He thought Loki would find the concept more amusing than he seems to, though. No emoji? No 'lol'? For a moment, Steve wonders if he's offended him in some fashion, but it seems unlikely he'd react this way if he had.

No...something else is wrong. When the second reply comes in in the same plain format as the first, Steve frowns. The ellipses say Loki is still typing, so he just waits.

And waits.

Because it's not polite to interrupt.

But then the ellipses go away with no more text forthcoming. Is something up? You okay?

Pause.

Because you don't sound okay.

Pause.

Loki. Don't mess with my head.

Pause.

Goddamnit. You better be home when I get there.

And with that, he's putting on his boots and shoving his wallet and phone in his jacket pockets. He leaves an electronic message with Friday just to let the others know he's going out, but he departs by the freight elevator so he doesn't run into anyone. This is probably why they worry about him. If there was a trap, or even just some unrelated bad shit going down, he'd be walking right into it.

Rather, he'd be driving his motorbike right into it. It's a lighter, faster way to travel than a car, and less frustrating than public transportation. It takes him a good half hour to get to Loki's apartment building nonetheless. Anxious, he buzzes him on the intercom, but he doesn't wait more than fifteen seconds for a verbal response before he heads up to his floor, taking the stairs two by two.

[magpiemythos]

It was debatable if Loki even heard the intercom. He certainly didn't respond, and with as quickly as Steve was up on the right floor, he hadn't come out in the brief interim to see what the fuss was. And knocking would get him nowhere, nor would the doorbell. If Steve tried the door, it was unlocked, the apartment beyond dark, as if the god wasn't even home. But the fact that the apartment beyond the door was his was hint enough, especially with the coat flung over the arm of the couch, the phone sitting on the counter-top, screen still dimly glowing. Battery running down to be sure, but Steve could see their conversation still on the screen. All signs pointing to Loki being home, no matter that everything was dark and quiet.

At least other than the dim light from the half-open bathroom door, the quiet hiss of the shower.

No response to the noise of someone inside, no response to the light ping of his presence against the magic of the wards Loki kept around his apartment. He hadn't even bothered to peel out of clothing before he'd simply crumbled, and that's where Steve would find him, sitting on the floor of the shower, knees drawn up, arms around them, face hidden against his legs. If Steve said anything, it certainly didn't register, not in the state Loki was in, trembling under the icy water, though with his heritage it was debatable whether it was the cold making him shake so.

[shieldborne]

Steve is on high alert the instant he enters the apartment. It's dark, but the presence of furnishings seems to suggest Loki is here, and the dim glow of the phone supports that assumption. Two possibilities leap to mind, and Steve doesn't like either. The one that has him on edge is the thought that someone might have broken in or followed Loki home to do him harm. He moves through the apartment very quietly, heartbeat fast, until he hears the shower.

That makes the second, disheartening possibility the more likely one. Steve should probably alert him to his presence before peering through the bathroom door, but he doesn't, half afraid he might vanish if Steve makes a sound.

...oh. Oh, no. His heart sinks at the sight of the godling curled up in the shower. "Loki? Loki. Sweetheart...can you hear me? I'm...I'm going to turn off the water."

With or without a response, he makes good on his intentions, and it sure as hell feels too cold to him.

"Hey." He kneels by the tub. "It's Steve. Look at me." It's a very gentle command. "Can you look at me?"

[magpiemythos]

Loki didn't stir when Steve came in, or even when the water was finally shut off. He registered the difference on some level, but at the same time... what did it even matter?

He didn't respond verbally, not trusting his voice at this point, or really anything about himself. Just uncharacteristically quiet, though after a long moment that low request seemed to sink in. Not that Loki moved very much, just a slight shift of his head to peer sidelong at Steve, unable to muster up the energy just then to do much else. Even now he was well aware he was a wreck. What did Steve even think at this point?

In his current mindset, Loki couldn't think of anything good.

[shieldborne]

Baby steps. Baby steps. He doesn't see any blood on him, although depending on how long he's been under the water it may have been washed away. Steve takes a deep breath, relieved Loki is at least cognizant enough to glance over at him. He pushes the shower curtain further out of the way and begins shrugging off his own jacket.

"There we go. Good, that's good. I'm here and I'm not leaving."

He drapes the coat over Loki's shoulders snugly. Regardless of his heritage, Steve is concerned letting him get too cold opens the doorway for him to go into shock. This done, he moves a little closer and smooths back the wet, tangled locks of his hair. "Just stay with me as best you can, okay? I've got you, and we'll sort out what happened when you're on more solid ground."

[magpiemythos]

This one... hadn't really injured him. Not physically anyways, they'd been almost coddling and sweet in a way that had just made everything else that they had done worse. Emotional barbs were easy to shrug off if flung in aggression, but this was entirely different.

'I'm not leaving.'

A low sound slipping from him, small and sharp at that, and even Loki would be hard-pressed to decide if it was supposed to be laughter or a sob. But no other sound was forthcoming as he shifted under the warm, heavy weight of the jacket being settled over him, like he just wanted to disappear under it entirely but didn't have the will or energy to want to move enough to manage it. Not budging, not responding other than a low noise of assent at what Steve was saying, head tilting slightly into the reassuring feel of the touch to his hair.

[shieldborne]

Steve does not especially want to climb into the tub with him. Not that a little cool water would damage him, but it doesn't look comfortable. His short-term goal, therefore, is going to have to be coaxing him up and into the living room, bedroom, or even into the hall where there's more space to get alongside him and hold him close.

He means it, though. He has no intention of leaving, at least until he can be sure Loki is cognizant and stable enough to care for himself. Even then, he might be hard to chase away.

The tilt into his touch makes Steve give a little sigh, grateful he's getting that much response at least. What he'd do with a catatonic demigod, he doesn't know. Probably he'd have had to call Thor out of sheer anxiety and that might not have ended well.

But that is a bullet dodged so far, so he keeps stroking him, leaning across the chilly porcelain to rest his forehead against the other man's temple. "I was worried when you didn't text me back. It's okay, I'm not mad, but I had to come check on you."

His breath is warm, ghosting against Loki's ear.

[magpiemythos]

Steve had his work cut out for him here either way. Loki didn't seem willing or able to move much, other than that shift to lean into his touch, craving the reassurance inherent in it. Something pleading in his gaze, though it was questionable if he even knew what he wanted at this point.

A slight movement that might have been a small nod in response to what Steve was saying, but otherwise he didn't seem like he'd be budging anytime soon, especially with how he was still trembling under Steve's coat, fingers flexing slightly in their grip before his hands moved to instead cross over his chest, latching onto the jacket to draw it more securely around himself. Soothed somewhat by the warmth of it, the fact that it was Steve's.

Small things, but progress all the same.

[shieldborne]

"Aww," he murmurs a little nonsensically. "Sshh, sshh. Take your time, I've got all night. Just breathe for a little bit and come on back nice and slow, and I'll wait for you."

He nudges him lightly with his forehead, then gives him a kiss on the temple. "You like the coat?" He resumes speaking softly, more because he wants Loki to continue to hear his voice than because he wants to talk about his own clothing. "I got it at a secondhand store in Queens. They told me it was vintage and I laughed because it's less than half my age."

His arm comes around Loki's back, strong and supportive.

[magpiemythos]

It was all... soft. Reassuring. Kind, without the undercurrent of something hurtful, and it was so very much what he needed. Just leaning a bit closer, using the side of the tub to keep himself upright with a small, quiet sound for the affection offered, something at least edging it's way towards some semblance of calm.

And he did want, need to hear Steve speak. Grateful that the man seemed to guess it, that he filled the quiet with that small little tale rather than letting the silence linger. He normally didn't mind quiet, but at the moment it was nothing more than an echo chamber for things he didn't want to hear, thoughts and still-fresh hurts that he'd been trying so hard to push to the side. But Steve's voice was enough to cut through that, Loki letting out a small 'hm' that sounded almost amused at the tale. And it was so easy for Loki to just sink back against the man's arm around him, trusting that Steve would keep him steady, craving that contact and the stability it offered.

[shieldborne]

He can feel Loki starting to respond a little more, can hear the little near-chuckle in his voice. Encouraged, Steve nuzzles his hair and puts his other arm around him too, stroking up and down his shoulder through the coat.

"Tell you what we should do one of these days," he murmurs, deciding to keep going since he's getting a good reaction. "Just take a day off, I'll show you the old neighborhood I used to live in. A lot has changed, but my school is still there, and the library, and some of the little corner stores are still hanging on."

He gives a gentle squeeze. "If you like doughnuts, there's a bakery down there that still makes them fresh every day. Fancier flavors now. When I was a kid it was just plain, sugar, or cinnamon."

[magpiemythos]

Loki wasn't entirely sure, but something told him that Steve was the only one who would ever really be able to coax him out of moods like this, at least as easily as he seemed to be able to. He was still... unsteady, still needed time and reassurance, but the man was making headway. And the face that he cared enough to try meant more than Loki could really imagine putting into words.

With both arms around him, Loki felt himself starting to relax, at least a bit. Not trembling as badly as before as he listened to Steve talking about the neighborhood he'd grown up in, the offer to take him around to see it. It was... surprising in a way, but even so, he felt that curl of affection in response, offering a small nod in reply to the idea. He would like that he thought. A quiet day where it was just the two of them, listening to Steve telling him all about the things he'd done and seen when he was growing up.

"...okay." Quiet still, a little cautious, but it was a response either way.

[shieldborne]

Steve feels a little surge of triumph when Loki speaks to him, a genuine delight that he's been able to coax him back even just this far. He's still worried, but they're getting somewhere, and if Loki is able to respond to him, that means he's not wounded beyond repair, physically or mentally.

He gives him a smile, small and worried but a burst of warmth nonetheless. "Yeah? I wouldn't want to go there alone. Might get me down, but I think it would be okay with a friend."

That's a deliberate choice on his part, 'with a friend'. Reminding Loki he's here because he wants to be, that they are friends, no matter how awkwardly that relationship may have come about. "We'll plan on it, then."

He kisses his temple again, lightly, then shifts his hold on him. "Right. Time to get you out of here, and out of these wet clothes."

It's a feat of strength, picking him up from ground level, particularly considering Loki's non-human physical composition, but Steve is apparently up to it. He braces and breathes deep and rises carefully so as not to hurt himself, but he can clearly carry him, and does, bridal-style, lifting him out of the tub and out of the room.

"You got a bedroom? Point me if you want." Otherwise, he'll put him on the couch.

[magpiemythos]

He was getting there at least. Nestling easily into Steve's grasp without hesitation, though there was a pause for Loki to glance up at him briefly at the comment and the reminder inherent in the words. He wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve it, but he'd somehow earned Steve's friendship, and he... wasn't sure how he felt.

Glad to be sure. Grateful definitely. But scared too. It just meant when something went wrong, Steve would be in line to get hurt, and Loki wasn't sure how he felt about that.

But whatever he was thinking, there was a quiet, disgruntled sort of huff when Steve had to release his hold on Loki, only settled somewhat when it was clear that the shift was only to change his grip. Loki knew Steve was strong enough to lift him, even if getting him out of the tub was a bit of an awkward angle. When Steve straightened, the trickster just shifted to burrow a bit more securely into his grasp, fingers curling in against his shirt as he hid his face against his shoulder.

"...On th'end." Mumbled a bit more than spoken, but he was unwilling to uncurl from how he'd settled in any way at least for the moment.

And luckily the room itself would be easy enough to navigate, fairly neat and organized if not for the absolute tangle that was his blankets and pillows, but that was nothing new. He never was one to make his bed.

[shieldborne]

They can argue about the implications later. Steve tends to assume he's the one who is risky to be friends with at this point, partly because he doesn't know the details of Loki's life, and partly because he figures if he's crossed dimensions anyway, he may have left the worst of them behind. But either way, he's not the kind of guy to be scared off by 'something might go wrong' or even 'something will inevitably go wrong'.

Steve has always been convinced he can make things different through sheer force of will.

"End of the hall?" he asks, following Loki's vague direction. Once he's on his feet it's easy enough to haul him around, and he nudges the bedroom door open with his foot, sweeping him inside and setting him carefully on the end of the bed.

Under other circumstances he'd be amused by the absolute heap of pillows and blankets. As it is, he's glad they're there, because Loki is going to leave wet behind him until Steve can get him out of his drenched outfit. A few extra layers of protection for the mattress are all for the best.

He sits beside him, cradling him against his chest for a moment and rocking slightly. "I know you want to hold on, and I want to let you, but we'll both be more comfortable if you get undressed first. Can we do that?"

He can wait a few minutes if Loki isn't ready to move yet. He's not going to force the issue. He'll feel better when they're more comfortable, though, and when he can stop worrying about hypothermia.

[magpiemythos]

Oh Steve. Loki sees himself as the biggest threat posed to any friend he might make, no matter how hard he was trying to change. To be a better person. So far it seemed like nothing was going to change.

He just nodded against Steve's shoulder at the clarification, but otherwise stayed put, letting Steve worry about where they were walking to. Calmer, agreeable. At least until he was set down, and Steve made his intent known. And kind patient tone or not, he just didn't seem to respond, though the slight tightening of Loki's grasp on him made it clear that the trickster had heard him. Now it was just a matter of convincing him that letting go was a good idea, temporary or not.

Because at the moment, wet clothing or no, he had absolutely zero intention of moving away, no matter how irrational it seemed.

[shieldborne]

He's not getting as much of a response this time, and that worries him quite a bit. Loki should be warmer and more comfortable here, and for a moment Steve worries he's jarred some kind of invisible injury and he's gone tense again because he's in pain.

The tightening of his grasp registers, though, and after a moment of fretting, Steve concludes that's a non-verbal answer to his question: no, we can't do that yet.

"All right," he hums, and leans back clumsily, pushing the blankets up behind him with one elbow. "I see how it's gonna be. Just remember this was your idea."

His tone is playful, devoid of real annoyance, and once he's made a decent spot for himself, he pulls Loki closer, setting him in his own lap and bending his knees up so he's curled around him. "There," his tone softens. "That any better?"

He can relate to wanting to be held, anyway. He remembers being kept warm through fevers and asthma as a child and a young adult. Remembers awkward body heat sharing on missions with the Commandos. This is okay.

[magpiemythos]

Once he was reassured that Steve wasn't about to press the issue just yet? Loki did relax some. Especially when he was tugged in closer and settled on the man's lap, just curling in as closely as he could manage with a small sigh.

"Yeah." This was good. He just settled into the offered embrace, head resting against Steve's shoulder, free arm slipping around to cling in return. He needed this, needed the warmth and security being so closely held offered, even if he'd not typically be one to admit it, especially when he was his usual self.

[shieldborne]

This is...this is sweet. Or it would be sweet if Loki wasn't cold and wet and if Steve wasn't worried about his mental state. The position, he likes, and he turns his head comfortably to rest his cheek on Loki's hair.

"I forgot to lock your front door behind me," he says, more for the purpose of keeping himself talking than anything else. "I guess that's not a big deal. Have you been out all day?"

He's going to have to get him to eat and drink something, he imagines. Water at least. Once he's willing to let go.

[magpiemythos]

Loki definitely did like it. Sure, it would be better if he wasn't soaked through, but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to say a word about it just yet, knowing that Steve would want to get him out of his wet things. It was a good idea sure, and Steve was doing it because he cared, but at the same time Loki simply wasn't ready to move that much yet.

He shrugged lightly at the news his door was unlocked. When he was home, it didn't bother him that much. He'd lock it usually, but his wards tended to be enough to keep the average intruder out.

"There's still wards." Said quietly sure, but enough words to actually count as a full sentence. Progress being made.

A small nod at the question that followed, the gesture melting to a slight nuzzle after.

[shieldborne]

"Wards?" Steve isn't familiar with the terms he uses, although he understands things he considers magic are very much a part of Loki's day to day life. "I'm gonna have questions for you later."

He's genuinely curious. Of course, he also wants to give Loki the third degree about what exactly he got himself into tonight. Scolding him is not what he needs right now, though. It's also not what Steve needs. He'd like to pretend this is an aberration, something that's never happened before and won't be happening ever again, rather than part of a frightening pattern.

"All right. You're going to need to...oh." His voice trails off at the nuzzle. He was about to insist on food and water, but just that little touch derails him. Loki's skin is cold against his neck, but it feels pleasant anyway, like a kiss on a winter afternoon.

[magpiemythos]

He just gave a small nod at the idea, even if he knew he wasn't going to much enjoy the conversation he knew pretty much had to happen at this point. There was no way Steve would let it pass, not with the state he'd found Loki in.

He... wasn't looking forward to that part.

But thankfully he seemed more focused on what was happening right then. The comfort of arms around him as he squirmed slightly to tuck a bit more securely in against Steve, face coming to rest against his neck with a soft hum of noise, arms shifting to go around him to cling.

[shieldborne]

Steve goes quiet for a moment, struck by the feeling of being cuddled up to in spite of himself. He sinks back a little further with a sigh and runs his fingers through Loki's hair, letting his eyes fall closed.

"This...you're a little cold, but...it feels nice against me," he says after a moment, absently, like he's talking more to himself than to Loki.

"...is there any reason we can't do this without you getting yourself beat up first?" He sounds half-wry, half-plaintive. "I won't tell anyone if you won't."

[magpiemythos]

The silence was... okay this time. Maybe it was just the comfort of being cradled in close, or the feel of fingers in his hair. Something about it seemed to cut through the internal voice of criticism that almost seemed a constant for him lately.

Except when he was here with Steve, it seemed.

"...Didn't get beat up." Physically anyways, which is what he's assuming Steve was talking about. Emotionally was another story entirely, but why would anyone be worried about that with him?