shieldborne | For magpiemythos

((continued from here))

After a confusing, worrisome evening spent together, Steve seems to feel he and Loki have hit some kind of new level in their friendship. He's less wry and cagey, a little more overly solicitous and warm; still, in the cold light of day he's a lot more awkward about both physical and emotional intimacy, and if Loki reverts to his usual teasing banter, Steve will fall into the same comfort zone.

He thinks about him often when he's not there, though. Hoping he's found a safer, kinder way to fight his demons. Fearing he hasn't, and feeling helpless to do anything more about that than he already has. At least now, Loki won't have to initiate all their contacts. He'll get occasional texts and calls from Steve, asking if he wants something at a store, if he's seen x or y movie, whether he's all right.

The others are a little bemused about Steve's increasingly less subtle interest in their otherworldly acquaintance. Some of them are openly skeptical, afraid he could be being played, but since no one has anything against Loki, it remains a topic of quiet, civil debate.

It's early in the evening this time when Steve texts Loki. Just a brief note, and he doesn't entirely expect a response: They're trying to convince me to get a tattoo of a bald eagle with a tear running down its face. It's a conspiracy, they're all in on it.

I doubt it would last long with my healing factor even if I did.

How's your evening going?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

magpiemythos

Loki wasn't sure what to make of things. He appreciated Steve, and the friendship he offered, especially given proof that he genuinely did care about the god as a person. It was something he needed more than he would ever admit, even if the implication was still in some ways frightening. But he couldn't bring himself to pull away. He did like Steve, and enjoyed the time they were able to spend together.

He noticed Steve's efforts to reach out to him, those little things that while maybe easy, simple, were enough to make him smile when he saw them. Grand gestures were one thing, but the little, daily things just seemed to stick with him more. So he often replied, with conversation, or some silly meme he'd found to share, or selfies taken in strange and unlikely places. If he did notice the other's concern about them, he didn't let it show. Pretended not to notice a thing off about it. He couldn't blame them, not really. Not with this reality's version of him and all he'd done. They'd have to be insane to not at least be wary.

It was only a few minutes later before Loki did reply though, no matter that this time of night he was usually in the middle of something.

Sounds like there's no reason for you to not give it a try then.

Seemingly normal, if not for the fact that it was... too normal. No missing punctuation, no 'u' or other silly little textspeak things that he'd often play up just to tease Steve.

It's going. Just got home.

A long, uncharacteristically long pause no indication other than the ellipses that indicated he was typing, but nothing more seeming to come.

Loki just stared down at the screen for the moment, finger hovering just over the 'send' button.

I'm in a bad place.
Please come I need your help.

But instead of sending the text, he just huffed a low sigh, letting the phone drop onto the end of the counter that divided the kitchen from living room, without turning the screen off. Turning instead to move further into the apartment, disappearing into the bathroom not even bothering with turning on any lights. Not like it mattered.

From:

shieldborne

It's a fair point. If he did get a tattoo and didn't like it, there's a good chance it would resolve itself in a very short while. Steve just isn't sure what the eagle's tear is meant to be apropos of. He thought Loki would find the concept more amusing than he seems to, though. No emoji? No 'lol'? For a moment, Steve wonders if he's offended him in some fashion, but it seems unlikely he'd react this way if he had.

No...something else is wrong. When the second reply comes in in the same plain format as the first, Steve frowns. The ellipses say Loki is still typing, so he just waits.

And waits.

Because it's not polite to interrupt.

But then the ellipses go away with no more text forthcoming. Is something up? You okay?

Pause.

Because you don't sound okay.

Pause.

Loki. Don't mess with my head.

Pause.

Goddamnit. You better be home when I get there.

And with that, he's putting on his boots and shoving his wallet and phone in his jacket pockets. He leaves an electronic message with Friday just to let the others know he's going out, but he departs by the freight elevator so he doesn't run into anyone. This is probably why they worry about him. If there was a trap, or even just some unrelated bad shit going down, he'd be walking right into it.

Rather, he'd be driving his motorbike right into it. It's a lighter, faster way to travel than a car, and less frustrating than public transportation. It takes him a good half hour to get to Loki's apartment building nonetheless. Anxious, he buzzes him on the intercom, but he doesn't wait more than fifteen seconds for a verbal response before he heads up to his floor, taking the stairs two by two.

From:

magpiemythos

It was debatable if Loki even heard the intercom. He certainly didn't respond, and with as quickly as Steve was up on the right floor, he hadn't come out in the brief interim to see what the fuss was. And knocking would get him nowhere, nor would the doorbell. If Steve tried the door, it was unlocked, the apartment beyond dark, as if the god wasn't even home. But the fact that the apartment beyond the door was his was hint enough, especially with the coat flung over the arm of the couch, the phone sitting on the counter-top, screen still dimly glowing. Battery running down to be sure, but Steve could see their conversation still on the screen. All signs pointing to Loki being home, no matter that everything was dark and quiet.

At least other than the dim light from the half-open bathroom door, the quiet hiss of the shower.

No response to the noise of someone inside, no response to the light ping of his presence against the magic of the wards Loki kept around his apartment. He hadn't even bothered to peel out of clothing before he'd simply crumbled, and that's where Steve would find him, sitting on the floor of the shower, knees drawn up, arms around them, face hidden against his legs. If Steve said anything, it certainly didn't register, not in the state Loki was in, trembling under the icy water, though with his heritage it was debatable whether it was the cold making him shake so.

From:

shieldborne

Steve is on high alert the instant he enters the apartment. It's dark, but the presence of furnishings seems to suggest Loki is here, and the dim glow of the phone supports that assumption. Two possibilities leap to mind, and Steve doesn't like either. The one that has him on edge is the thought that someone might have broken in or followed Loki home to do him harm. He moves through the apartment very quietly, heartbeat fast, until he hears the shower.

That makes the second, disheartening possibility the more likely one. Steve should probably alert him to his presence before peering through the bathroom door, but he doesn't, half afraid he might vanish if Steve makes a sound.

...oh. Oh, no. His heart sinks at the sight of the godling curled up in the shower. "Loki? Loki. Sweetheart...can you hear me? I'm...I'm going to turn off the water."

With or without a response, he makes good on his intentions, and it sure as hell feels too cold to him.

"Hey." He kneels by the tub. "It's Steve. Look at me." It's a very gentle command. "Can you look at me?"

From:

magpiemythos

Loki didn't stir when Steve came in, or even when the water was finally shut off. He registered the difference on some level, but at the same time... what did it even matter?

He didn't respond verbally, not trusting his voice at this point, or really anything about himself. Just uncharacteristically quiet, though after a long moment that low request seemed to sink in. Not that Loki moved very much, just a slight shift of his head to peer sidelong at Steve, unable to muster up the energy just then to do much else. Even now he was well aware he was a wreck. What did Steve even think at this point?

In his current mindset, Loki couldn't think of anything good.

From:

shieldborne

Baby steps. Baby steps. He doesn't see any blood on him, although depending on how long he's been under the water it may have been washed away. Steve takes a deep breath, relieved Loki is at least cognizant enough to glance over at him. He pushes the shower curtain further out of the way and begins shrugging off his own jacket.

"There we go. Good, that's good. I'm here and I'm not leaving."

He drapes the coat over Loki's shoulders snugly. Regardless of his heritage, Steve is concerned letting him get too cold opens the doorway for him to go into shock. This done, he moves a little closer and smooths back the wet, tangled locks of his hair. "Just stay with me as best you can, okay? I've got you, and we'll sort out what happened when you're on more solid ground."

From:

magpiemythos

This one... hadn't really injured him. Not physically anyways, they'd been almost coddling and sweet in a way that had just made everything else that they had done worse. Emotional barbs were easy to shrug off if flung in aggression, but this was entirely different.

'I'm not leaving.'

A low sound slipping from him, small and sharp at that, and even Loki would be hard-pressed to decide if it was supposed to be laughter or a sob. But no other sound was forthcoming as he shifted under the warm, heavy weight of the jacket being settled over him, like he just wanted to disappear under it entirely but didn't have the will or energy to want to move enough to manage it. Not budging, not responding other than a low noise of assent at what Steve was saying, head tilting slightly into the reassuring feel of the touch to his hair.

From:

shieldborne

Steve does not especially want to climb into the tub with him. Not that a little cool water would damage him, but it doesn't look comfortable. His short-term goal, therefore, is going to have to be coaxing him up and into the living room, bedroom, or even into the hall where there's more space to get alongside him and hold him close.

He means it, though. He has no intention of leaving, at least until he can be sure Loki is cognizant and stable enough to care for himself. Even then, he might be hard to chase away.

The tilt into his touch makes Steve give a little sigh, grateful he's getting that much response at least. What he'd do with a catatonic demigod, he doesn't know. Probably he'd have had to call Thor out of sheer anxiety and that might not have ended well.

But that is a bullet dodged so far, so he keeps stroking him, leaning across the chilly porcelain to rest his forehead against the other man's temple. "I was worried when you didn't text me back. It's okay, I'm not mad, but I had to come check on you."

His breath is warm, ghosting against Loki's ear.

From:

magpiemythos

Steve had his work cut out for him here either way. Loki didn't seem willing or able to move much, other than that shift to lean into his touch, craving the reassurance inherent in it. Something pleading in his gaze, though it was questionable if he even knew what he wanted at this point.

A slight movement that might have been a small nod in response to what Steve was saying, but otherwise he didn't seem like he'd be budging anytime soon, especially with how he was still trembling under Steve's coat, fingers flexing slightly in their grip before his hands moved to instead cross over his chest, latching onto the jacket to draw it more securely around himself. Soothed somewhat by the warmth of it, the fact that it was Steve's.

Small things, but progress all the same.

From:

shieldborne

"Aww," he murmurs a little nonsensically. "Sshh, sshh. Take your time, I've got all night. Just breathe for a little bit and come on back nice and slow, and I'll wait for you."

He nudges him lightly with his forehead, then gives him a kiss on the temple. "You like the coat?" He resumes speaking softly, more because he wants Loki to continue to hear his voice than because he wants to talk about his own clothing. "I got it at a secondhand store in Queens. They told me it was vintage and I laughed because it's less than half my age."

His arm comes around Loki's back, strong and supportive.

From:

magpiemythos

It was all... soft. Reassuring. Kind, without the undercurrent of something hurtful, and it was so very much what he needed. Just leaning a bit closer, using the side of the tub to keep himself upright with a small, quiet sound for the affection offered, something at least edging it's way towards some semblance of calm.

And he did want, need to hear Steve speak. Grateful that the man seemed to guess it, that he filled the quiet with that small little tale rather than letting the silence linger. He normally didn't mind quiet, but at the moment it was nothing more than an echo chamber for things he didn't want to hear, thoughts and still-fresh hurts that he'd been trying so hard to push to the side. But Steve's voice was enough to cut through that, Loki letting out a small 'hm' that sounded almost amused at the tale. And it was so easy for Loki to just sink back against the man's arm around him, trusting that Steve would keep him steady, craving that contact and the stability it offered.

From:

shieldborne

He can feel Loki starting to respond a little more, can hear the little near-chuckle in his voice. Encouraged, Steve nuzzles his hair and puts his other arm around him too, stroking up and down his shoulder through the coat.

"Tell you what we should do one of these days," he murmurs, deciding to keep going since he's getting a good reaction. "Just take a day off, I'll show you the old neighborhood I used to live in. A lot has changed, but my school is still there, and the library, and some of the little corner stores are still hanging on."

He gives a gentle squeeze. "If you like doughnuts, there's a bakery down there that still makes them fresh every day. Fancier flavors now. When I was a kid it was just plain, sugar, or cinnamon."

From:

magpiemythos

Loki wasn't entirely sure, but something told him that Steve was the only one who would ever really be able to coax him out of moods like this, at least as easily as he seemed to be able to. He was still... unsteady, still needed time and reassurance, but the man was making headway. And the face that he cared enough to try meant more than Loki could really imagine putting into words.

With both arms around him, Loki felt himself starting to relax, at least a bit. Not trembling as badly as before as he listened to Steve talking about the neighborhood he'd grown up in, the offer to take him around to see it. It was... surprising in a way, but even so, he felt that curl of affection in response, offering a small nod in reply to the idea. He would like that he thought. A quiet day where it was just the two of them, listening to Steve telling him all about the things he'd done and seen when he was growing up.

"...okay." Quiet still, a little cautious, but it was a response either way.

come home with your shield, or on it

For magpiemythos