For magpiemythos

[shieldborne]

((continued from here))

After a confusing, worrisome evening spent together, Steve seems to feel he and Loki have hit some kind of new level in their friendship. He's less wry and cagey, a little more overly solicitous and warm; still, in the cold light of day he's a lot more awkward about both physical and emotional intimacy, and if Loki reverts to his usual teasing banter, Steve will fall into the same comfort zone.

He thinks about him often when he's not there, though. Hoping he's found a safer, kinder way to fight his demons. Fearing he hasn't, and feeling helpless to do anything more about that than he already has. At least now, Loki won't have to initiate all their contacts. He'll get occasional texts and calls from Steve, asking if he wants something at a store, if he's seen x or y movie, whether he's all right.

The others are a little bemused about Steve's increasingly less subtle interest in their otherworldly acquaintance. Some of them are openly skeptical, afraid he could be being played, but since no one has anything against Loki, it remains a topic of quiet, civil debate.

It's early in the evening this time when Steve texts Loki. Just a brief note, and he doesn't entirely expect a response: They're trying to convince me to get a tattoo of a bald eagle with a tear running down its face. It's a conspiracy, they're all in on it.

I doubt it would last long with my healing factor even if I did.

How's your evening going?

Comments

[magpiemythos]

The silence was... okay this time. Maybe it was just the comfort of being cradled in close, or the feel of fingers in his hair. Something about it seemed to cut through the internal voice of criticism that almost seemed a constant for him lately.

Except when he was here with Steve, it seemed.

"...Didn't get beat up." Physically anyways, which is what he's assuming Steve was talking about. Emotionally was another story entirely, but why would anyone be worried about that with him?

[shieldborne]

"Yeah, you did," he says softly. "Don't kid yourself. You may not have any marks, but whatever they did this time was way too much. They said stuff to you?"

It's just a guess. He can only assume either outright verbal abuse or some other kind of intense psychological performance. One place where Loki doesn't have him fooled: Steve knows damn well however much stronger physically he is, however superhuman his intelligence, however powerful his magic, he's just as emotionally vulnerable as any mortal. Maybe more so. A being made of stories ought to be affected by words.

"I don't...participate in the rough sex scene much these days," he adds, awkward because he's talking about his sex life but feeling the need to make his point. "But when I did, I always stayed away from headgames. I don't get why some people like them. I never did. They go wrong way too easily."

"I got no right to tell you what to do, but I don't want you to do this again. Ever."

[magpiemythos]

Being called on that difference just earned a soft, low huff against Steve's shoulder, the trickster otherwise not budging. Because he was definitely right, no matter that Loki didn't want to admit it. But then on more than one level, especially in the sort of mindset that led him to seek out this sort of dysfunction, he felt he deserved it.

"...went wrong before." Said quietly, a slight affirmation that more than likely wasn't comforting because it definitely pointed to a rather unfortunate trend, not that Loki was thinking about that just now. "Shouldn'tve gone back to him."

A small grimace that wasn't visible, but Steve could likely feel against his shoulder. "Never been very good at doing the smart thing."

An understatement if there ever was one.

[shieldborne]

Steve swallows hard, threading his fingers through Loki's hair. there's a slight tremor in his hands, and he gathers him a little closer. "Loki...please don't make me watch you let yourself get broken."

His voice is steady, at least, but he's definitely upset. He takes a breath to calm himself, then tries again: "I know you're afraid of what you might become. And maybe you've already done some things you're not proud of. But this isn't going to help. You've got to take care of yourself, or at least let someone else take care of you."

Pot, meet kettle, but Steve's issues aren't what's on the table right now.

"I mean...god, this sounds callous, but what's more dangerous? A cornered, wounded animal, or a healthy one?"

His voice drops to the edge of audibility. "...anyway, I want you around. I need you."

[magpiemythos]

Loki could make the argument that he already was broken. He was an echo of what was, an echo of a deeply flawed version of himself, and all signs so far had pointed to him not being able to escape that. But at the same time for all he was sure his company would hurt Steve in the end, he couldn't bring himself to actually try and push the man away, as selfish a creature as he could be.

What he hadn't been expecting was that Steve might need him too. It was enough to have him drawing back, but only enough that he could make eye contact, something confused and wary in his gaze.

"...You need me?" The why unspoken, as if he couldn't imagine what anyone might want him around for. And really, he couldn't.

[shieldborne]

If Steve were really thinking about it, it would have occurred to him that while Loki might accept a rational argument, at least on the face of it, it wouldn't change his mind or his behavior for long. Because Steve operates the same way. Bucky would say logic just doesn't penetrate Steve's thick skull; he's got a way with words. Steve wouldn't necessarily say the same about Loki (at least not right now, while he's vulnerable), but it's interesting to recognize the similarity.

So when Loki looks up at him with visible confusion, Steve isn't really surprised. It took a lot for him to go so far as to say what he already did. Emotions are hard. Banter and caring for someone are much simpler. But that's not going to fly now.

He smiles gently, a little anxiously, and kisses Loki on the forehead. "Yeah. I just said so. I...have a hard time remembering to be Steve Rogers and not Captain America sometimes."

Or, like, all the time. "I dunno why, but you remind me. And you make me laugh and annoy me just enough to keep me on my toes and not quite enough to actually make me angry. I don't want to lose you."

[magpiemythos]

He didn't understand. It didn't make sense. People didn't want him around, not really. People were only interested in what he could do, or in making sure that he didn't cause trouble. And yet here was Steve, saying that he did want him around. That he actually liked spending time with Loki on account of him being Loki.

And for all the concept utterly terrified him, he liked it at the same time.

Loki didn't voice this though, just tucking in a bit more securely against Steve with a slight upturn of his face for that bit of affection. A small bit of a smile starting to ghost over his lips, even if he was still not back to his usual self.

[shieldborne]

Just that subtle little shift of expression tells him he's getting through. Maybe not enough yet, to make a difference, but it's a start. He nuzzles his chin against his hair lightly, then kisses his forehead again. "I have to admit, it doesn't hurt that you're easy on the eyes," he murmurs. Surely that's no surprise to Loki at this point, but maybe it bears pointing out.

"Look at you, wet and mussed as a cat that fell into a fish tank, and I still kinda want to kiss you." He's blushing, and he can barely keep from rolling his eyes at himself, and there's definite amusement in his voice, but he means it. "That's not fair."

[magpiemythos]

This? The affection and praise? It was definitely helping. Sure he could tell that Steve was a bit embarrassed admitting what he was, but that was sweet in it's own way, and even through the blushing and eye rolling, Loki knew that he was being honest.

"Like anyone expects me to play fair." Said in a quiet tone, still gathering himself up, but there was still a fond sort of teasing tone to the words, cautious as they still were.

[shieldborne]

"Mhmm. But you like to do what's unexpected," he says. "Don't you?"

Physical tenderness is a little easier than verbal expressions of affection in some ways, and now the barrier is breaking down between them. Steve is worried any contact that's too sexual will cause more harm than good, but he's already flirting, and it's not the first time.

To hell with it, he concludes, he'll test his luck, and just take it very, very slow and easy. If nothing else, his own blushing ought to keep them both warm even with the wet clothing. He gathers Loki a little closer, nuzzles his jaw lightly, and then gives him a soft, nearly-chaste kiss on the lips.

[magpiemythos]

He let out a soft chuckle at that, brows lifting slightly as he considered.

"Suppose you have a point." He figured that Steve would continue to be affectionate. It made sense, both in that Loki was responding well to it, and the fact that Steve himself seemed to like the cuddling. The kiss, chaste as it was? Was a bit surprising, at least with the implications that came with it. Boundaries crossed, more cracks in the wall between friends and... something more.

But surprised or not, it got a low hum from him, grasp on the other tightening slightly. No intent on deepening it or pushing farther, but still craving the sentiment and warmth that came with it.

And if there was a bit of return in the kiss, well that was his prerogative.

[shieldborne]

"Damn right I do," he smirks against him and sinks a little bit lower against the wall.

Steve can do soft and slow and easy, and he can feel the change in Loki's hold on him. His eyes drift closed, the better to focus on the subtle shifts in pressure and tension in the man in his arms. It's nice to get a response. Reassuring on more than one level: Loki is recovering slowly, and Steve's attentions are evidently not unwanted.

He makes a soft sound in response to the hum, sighing, but when the kiss breaks he doesn't pursue more, unwilling to push too hard. "I know I don't know everything about you, but I think I probably know you as well as anyone."

[magpiemythos]

He was relaxing. Slowly but surely Loki was starting to slip out of the dark moody emotional place he'd been left in, drifting towards something closer to his typical self. But even still it was a bit fragile; it wouldn't take much to tip him back into the dark again.

But so far Steve seems to be taking the right steps, and Loki is responding well to him and his attentions.

"Do you?" Meant slightly teasing more than anything, but there was something a bit more... honest underlying the small smirk he drummed up. No one ever said that positively. They always seemed to mean it when something had gone wrong, or they'd discovered some unpleasant bit of his past. That someone might think they knew him and not mean it that way was... novel.

And it was definitely a nice change of pace.

[shieldborne]

"Don't see why not," he says gently. "You're not all that forthcoming, but I've seen you stripped down emotionally, more than once. I'm guessing most people don't get to see you when you're hurting."

Except for the ones that he allows to hurt him, and they're not looking.

"We're more than the sum of our actions and the things people do to us," he adds softly. "The things we feel say a lot about who we are, too."

[magpiemythos]

"You're one of the few who... don't assume I'm just faking that too." Loki commented with a small shrug. It was nothing new. He was a trickster after all, a known liar. Who wouldn't assume that any emotion expressed might be some part of a scheme or con?

Asgardians believed it readily enough back home, as had those on Earth. Here... he wasn't sure how the rest of Steve's team felt about him entirely, not really wanting to stick his nose into that hornet's nest just yet. But he had a good guess that they were suspicious. Wary at least, not that he could blame them.

[shieldborne]

Steve shakes his head, visibly troubled by this comment. Sure, he knows Loki has a reputation. It's well-deserved, as far as he can tell, by the Loki belonging to this dimension, but the depression and self-loathing he's seen from this Loki seems too deep to be faked. He also can't see where he'd have anything to gain from it. Not from convincing just Steve, anyway. Maybe if he won all the Avengers over.

And that's clearly not something he's working on. He's friendly enough, but he's not reaching out to them the way he does to Steve.

"I don't..." Steve begins, licks his lips, considering, and then starts over, "I think it's wrong to be so dead-set on not being fooled that you refuse to respond when people ask you for something. Especially if it's something as simple as kindness. I was taking my chances at first, for that reason. Giving you the benefit of the doubt."

"I guess now I'm convinced. You're my friend." Maybe more than that, if he wants to be.

[magpiemythos]

Loki could argue the point that if he were playing a long con, then who better to start with than Steve? Everyone liked him after all, and if Loki were to go long enough without taking advantage of his kindness, then it would start to wear down distrust in others.

And if anyone looked too harshly his way, Steve would likely defend him, so long as he'd not done anything wrong.

But then that was his nature to think of those things. At least he wasn't feeling self-destructive enough to actually bring the idea up, especially when Steve makes the admission he does.

"...D'you kiss all your friends then Steve?" Teasing sure, but there was a gentler sort of tone to it, as if the idea of having a friend pleased him. And it did, for all he was at the same time terrified of what it would mean for Steve in the long run.

[shieldborne]

Steve doesn't think he's being conned, is the bottom line, even if he doesn't have any solid logic or evidence as to why he's so certain. He may have had this conversation with one or more of the other Avengers, in fact, although clearly they're not worried enough to really hassle him or Loki about what's going on.

It's probably for the best Loki doesn't argue, though, especially if he's now going to tease Steve about kissing him.

And now it's Steve turn to look vulnerable, at least for a fleeting moment, opening his mouth to protest or explain, shutting it again, and then closing his eyes and tucking his forehead against Loki's. His face is flushed.

"Nope," he answers quietly. It's a deceptively simple reply.

[magpiemythos]

He wasn't expecting that. He was expecting some sass back more than likely, maybe some blushing. But the vulnerability he glimpsed there, the honesty of such a simple reply actually brought Loki up short, the teasing comments he'd rather hide behind dying abruptly in the face of what was said, and what didn't need to be said as a result.

"Oh." Loki wasn't sure how to respond. Flippant responses just seemed a poor choice, and in his current state he wasn't sure how much emotional honesty he could put forth to get past that coping mechanism. But even the single word answer didn't sound upset.

He knew he wasn't, even as the implications of what the conversation might mean were starting to really rattle around his brain, a bit of pink creeping across his cheeks.

[shieldborne]

Steve immediately wants to apologize, play it off, backpedal to some place that would be emotionally safer for the both of them. He's a little overwhelmed now, though, himself. Afraid of this downward spiral Loki's caught in, afraid his own best intentions aren't enough to save him from it, and not so much because he's afraid of Loki's purported destiny as because it hurts to see him in pain.

Steve attaches to people quietly, subtly, but intensely.

'Oh' isn't much of an answer, but under the assumption no news is good news, Steve just gives a little nod. "You feeling well enough to change clothes yet, doll?"

Haha, oops. There's a telling little slip of the tongue. You know Steve's distracted when he lapses into 1940's slang.

[magpiemythos]

Luckily he didn't backpedal. In Loki's current state of mind he certainly wouldn't react to that well, would jump to worst-case scenarios in his own head. For all there was a part of him that pointed out that Steve would be safer, happier away from him, he couldn't bring himself to push him away, especially now.

Still there was a bit of color to his cheeks as he smiled faintly at the little nickname, something in him easing a bit in response to that.

"Yeah. I think I can do it."

[shieldborne]

Okay, that blush is probably a good sign. Steve smiles down at him, relieved (although there's still a just a little lingering puppy-dog look in his own eyes; he has no idea what he's doing and can only hope it's not a bad thing). "Okay. Good. You got pajamas or sweatpants or anything? I'll get them out for you and help you change."

Which is kind of an intimate offer if you think about it, but since he's already had him naked on how own couch, he doesn't see any reason not to push ahead like it's perfectly okay.

[magpiemythos]

Not like Loki really minded anyways. It would be up to Steve to decide how much nudity was too much on average because Loki wasn't bothered by it at all.

"There's pajama pants in the top drawer." Being nice in not pointing out that he normally didn't get much use out of them, at least for now. And he'd finally let himself be shifted to release Steve so the man could investigate the options while he started peeling out of the damp clothing, starting with his fingerless gloves and shirt. Steve would find... options at least. Most of them of some manner of silly print, like the ones covered in multicolored foxes, or the cat and cupcake pair, or the unicorns.

Variety~!

[shieldborne]

"Good," he disentangles himself slowly and gets up. His own clothes are damp from being pressed against Loki's, so he takes off his sweatshirt and hangs it over the doorknob, which leaves him in one of his too-snug white t-shirts. He'll worry about his jeans later.

"Do you have a dryer or anything? Or should I hang those up for you?" He's being solicitous, but he's not going to leave the room unless Loki really seems like he's comfortable with it. And in the meantime, he opens the indicated drawer and sifts through, finding the contents highly entertaining. The cats and cupcakes are about to be his first choice, except when he picks them up he finds a familiar shield pattern beneath them.

He can't not laugh. "Wha--Loki! Where did these come from? I didn't know anyone made anything like this..!"

He holds up the pants, deeply flushed and grinning. Steve has actually kept studiously away from any merchandise bearing his logo. He doesn't want royalties, for sure. Every now and again Tony brings something particularly awful to his or the team's attention (he didn't even know what a banana hammock was until a couple months ago), but none of them are trying to make money off their own images. So of course that leaves a door open for other people to do so.

[magpiemythos]

"Hanging'll be just fine. Better than subjecting you to the basement." The one curse of his love of skinny jeans- when they're wet, there's no getting out of them on his own. So for the moment he'll sit and wait patiently, just shaking his head.

When Steve discovered the shield patterned pants? Loki couldn't help but grin in amusement at his reaction.

"Why Steve, where there's a will there's a way! Plenty of fans have popped up with some rather ingenious little cottage industries around you and your friends exploits." It took every fiber of self-control not to tell him about the non-merchandise side of things. He was enjoying the way Steve was blushing, but he didn't want to take things too far and spoil the fun.