Well, when you decide which one it is you let me know and we'll go from there. [Sour and sweet and all the shades in between; it's the summation of their friendship and something special to them. Steve breaks all of Bucky's rules about keeping people at arm's length. Everything that Bucky tries to do to keep himself apart from people, to keep them safe from him — and Steve breaks right through it like he belongs right at Bucky's side.
He always has; that space has always been for him. Bucky just never thought that he could deserve to have so much of Steve's attention, not anymore. To know that he does is something he both treasures and guards fiercely.
And the looks that Steve's giving him? They make his stomach flip flop a little bit because while Bucky most certainly knows how to flirt — and he's damn good at it — flirting with Steve and knowing that the attraction is mutual? That's something entirely new.
It's a good thing he doesn't know about that half-formed impulse to lick syrup from his fingers or else things would escalate very very quickly.]
Maybe just a little. [He laughs though, and not unkindly. Even in lightheartedness like this there lurks a potential for heavy topics and heavy concerns and Bucky doesn't want to steer toward those waters right now. It's not complete avoidance; they've talked about the darker cast their lives now have, talked about how they've ended up where they are and even talked a little bit about hardships endured. But this isn't the time for those thoughts to intrude. No, this is a time for everything that's warm and welcoming, time for Bucky to retrieve clean plates and plastic wrap from the cabinets so that pancakes can slide right on with the wrap stretched carefully over top.
It gives him a good opportunity to watch Steve, as well: to watch his blush, to watch his hands as they maneuver the spatula, to watch the play of the muscles across his shoulders as hands and arms move. To just sit and watch, because he hadn't been kidding earlier: Bucky likes looking at Steve. A lot.
And once the pancakes are done? Once everything that needs to be packaged is packaged, once the stove is turned off so that there won't be any more adventures in burning? Bucky reaches out to touch Steve's shoulder, to let his fingers drag along it to find the side of his throat, his cheek. He keeps it gentle, not forceful; wants to draw Steve in with an invitation, not a command.]
It's you, is what it is. [Steve tells him warmly, just barely holding back laughter in his voice.] You're the only guy I know who can be sweet while he's being a jerk.
[The stalking delivery of his limerick earlier is a perfect illustration. Steve couldn't ask for better. In spite of everything they've been through and everything that's hanging over their heads, he feels content right now. Happy.
That's Bucky's fault.
Once the pancakes are packaged and ingredients are put away, Steve is drawn into his friend's touch like there's a magnet pulling him in. Wouldn't matter if it was more aggressive; Steve's not scared of him and he'd come in close willingly. Still, the softness is nice.
When they were younger, that gentleness would have been offputting. Steve never wanted to be coddled then, wanted to be seen as strong and masculine and a force to be reckoned with. Now, he wishes he hadn't taken tenderness and care for granted for so many years. Now, gentleness makes him melt inside.
His arms go around Bucky's waist tentatively.] You want to stay here or go sit on the couch?
It's a skill. [What can he say? Aside from the fact that maybe Steve brings it out in him.
Steve brings out a lot of things in him. One of them is possibility. With Steve sliding close like this, that one word holds so much weight. And it's not an uncomfortable burden; it's one of the few things that isn't a burden at all.
Like cleaning the kitchen, like putting away ingredients and getting things into the sink to soak in some soapy water. Like putting the ingredients away and folding the apron over a stool by the counter. Like sharing a look with Steve, one that leads to getting close again, to a gentle touch and a smile and when Steve moves to return the embrace? It's perfect.
Bucky sways closer, into the embrace of those arms, his free hand curling against Steve's shoulder. There's a smile on his face, warm and open.] Both. Is both an answer?
[No Bucky, you really need to pick one.] I think the idea of the couch wins though. As much as I'm always going to like this kitchen for witnessing our first kiss, I'd really just like to be closer to you.
[It's a lot less teasing than most of Bucky's recent comments, and that's because of how important this is to him. How much he wants to do things right, how much he wants to match the sweetness Steve said he wanted. Not that there isn't room for teasing, for wickedness, even for a little bit of rough play; they're all things that Bucky knows he likes. But he also thinks he likes this, likes how it fits a lazy morning with half a burnt pancake shared and he's betting that Steve's kiss is going to taste sweet now, like syrup and chocolate.
[Bucky is many things to Steve; he's a reminder of who they were before the war and the serum and goddamned Hydra put them through the wringer. He's a reminder of who Steve once was, and when he's questioning his own identity, that's grounding. He's also a refuge, someone who put himself on the line for Steve more times than he can count, who actually used to irritate Steve by being so damned protective.
Now his raw nerves seem to stop aching so much in Bucky's presence. Sure, he's a mess himself. There's still guilt and there will always be a fight they can't get away from, but when Steve is with Bucky, he is home. His head knows it, and so does his body.]
Witnessing our first kiss? Now you really are being sentimental. [And he likes it. He's even a little desperate for it, and Bucky's reward for it is a tighter embrace, Steve burying his forehead against his shoulder for a moment.
But then, because he's pretty sure even with Bucky's increased bulk he still can, Steve pulls him off the counter and into his arms and makes for the next room, where the couch can be found.] All right, let's do this! That sofa won't know what hit it.
[They've always been a matched set: Bucky and Steve, Steve and Bucky. In all of their forms, all their shades, they've always been a duo. And sure, it hasn't always been an easy thing and the dynamic they'd once had is long since gone. But this is good too. It's more than good in fact; its grounding in the way nothing else is.
Being with Steve is being home, no matter where they end up — to the end of the line and back again.]
You bring it out in me. [It's true; Bucky isn't really the sentimental sort, and most of the things he'd be sentimental about anyway are all tied up in Steve. And a moment like this, with Steve holding him closer, with Steve leaning closer? It's perfect for sentiment, for turning his head to nuzzle softly against Steve's temple.
And for clutching to Steve's shoulders when he's lifted off the counter! It's definitely not something he was expecting — Steve had certainly never been able to do it in their youth — and the action makes him laugh and wrap his legs securely around Steve's waist. He's going to be near breathless by the time they make it to the couch, eyes shining with the happiness he feels at just being together, just having this chance.]
Just don't drop me! [It's clear that it's a tease more than anything else; Bucky trusts Steve with his life and he most certainly trusts in Steve's strength now. He knows he won't be dropped. Playfully tossed on the couch and pounced, now — that would be a different story.]
[Steve is a little surprised at himself. He had no doubt in his mind he could lift Bucky--he can lift a lot of things, can demonstrably hold down a helicopter trying to take off, so one guy, even one with a metal arm and a lot of muscle, isn't that hard to carry--but carrying him to the couch for a makeout session is bolder than Steve's usual approach to intimate contact.
Maybe it's a little easier with Bucky. It means more, and the stakes are higher, but they've been close for a long, long time.
Steve is breathless by the time they reach the sofa, as well, because the feeling of Bucky's thighs wrapped around his waist is really intense. There's a lot of muscle, he can feel it, and there are some connotations his brain isn't prepared to deal with calmly. He bites down on his lower lip, grinning and blushing, and when they get to the couch, he pauses for only a moment, metaphorical wheels turning in his head as he tries to decide whether he wants to pounce on top of Bucky or let himself be pounced.
In the end, he opts for the former, more or less flinging them into the cushions and rolling on top of the other man. There's a little less space on the couch than is ideal for two tallish guys, so Steve's legs trail off the cushions, but it's pretty cozy anyway.
He props himself up on his elbows and smiles fondly down at Bucky. He's rose-pink, all the way down his neck.]
[There are implications to the way they're positioned. Those implications had been there in the kitchen when Steve leaned close, and they're most definitely present when he wrapped his legs around Steve's body. And Bucky can't deny that there's a very physical aspect to it: they're both physical people, both very much present and comfortable in their skin. And Bucky's flirting has always been very physical: getting close, holding hands, putting arms around shoulders. So wrapping his legs around Steve's waist?
Steve's not the only one who's face is getting a little bit pink.
But what really does it for Bucky is as they pass from kitchen to living room and he has the stray thought — in Sam's voice no less — about walls and sex ninjas and it's so ridiculous because they are nowhere near anything like that (yet...?) for all that they'd teased a little while Steve was cooking. And that actually helps with the tension, helps him to let go some of the embarrassment that is those implications and just enjoy the simplicity of being in Steve's arms, of trusting in Steve to move them.
Because he trusts Steve with everything — apparently even his heart. And that thought? That brings the laughter right back and he holds to Steve a little tighter, shoulders shaking with his mirth.
Bucky's in stitches by the time his back hits the couch cushions with Steve pressed atop him. It's a pure kind of laughter, free and clear and happy and delighting more than anything in just being a little bit silly with his best friend. With Steve. Who he gets to hold now too, gets to hug and kiss and feed burnt pancakes to and—
—and it's okay that Steve's blushing because Bucky is grinning like a fool. It's okay that they don't quite fit on the couch, that feet hang off and there's not really a good way to manage things like elbows and knees. It's perfect actually because it's not perfect, and that's just fine for two kids from Brooklyn.]
This is perfect. [He raises one hand to brush the hair back from Steve's face, trying to combat the bit of gravity that's working against him.] Nowhere else I'd rather be.
[Implications. Nice, tempting implications, although ultimately should this get hotter and heavier than cuddles and making out, Steve isn't entirely sure who tops who. God knows Bucky is more likely to know what he's doing, but...probably it doesn't matter. They'll cross bridges like that as they come to them. Sharing this is what's important.
Still, his blush isn't going anywhere any time soon.
How long has it been since he heard Bucky laughing? Really laughing, not just a snort of revelation or a bitter chuckle? Steve has good hearing, thanks to the serum, where he was deaf in one ear before--it's not supernormal, just on the upper end of the spectrum of decent human auditory skills--but he wishes it was better, so he could catch every little nuance of that laughing fit. Bucky sounds so...unburdened. Relieved, in the deeper sense of the word. He wants him to feel that way for the rest of his life.
That's probably not in the cards, but they're both going to damn well enjoy this while it lasts, today and any day they get after this.]
You sure? [He teases, but his eyes drift closed at the touch.] I can still haul your ass back to the kitchen if I have to.
[Or just kiss him again. Steve could absolutely do that. So he does.]
[The follow through of those implications that they’re ignoring doesn’t need to come today. As much as Bucky would love to get truly wicked with Steve, he also wants to do things right. Flowers and dancing and everything that Steve had mentioned wanting; if that’s truly what he wants then Bucky is n happy to accommodate. Anything to see that smile, the one that’s a little bit softer than the one everyone else sees. Cap has a great smile, but Bucky has always preferred Steve’s; there are these little crinkles he gets right at the corners of his eyes, not quite crows’ feet but it just softens his entire countenance.
Bucky could fall for this man, he thinks. He really could. And if that falling comes with literally falling onto a couch together, laughing and smiling and Steve’s blush? He has no complaints.]
Steve. [Bucky’s hand trails from his hair down to cup the side of his face, thumb roving over his cheek.] If we relocate again, it’s not gonna be to the kitchen.
[Eliminating kitchen and living room doesn’t leave a lot of the apartment left for consideration, so it’s probably clear that Bucky means one of their bedrooms. But that’s not something they need to consider now. It’s not even something they need to consider soon. Right now all he wants to do is return Steve’s kiss, sounding softly against his mouth. And he shifts a little, just enough to dovetail one of his legs between Steve’s in an attempt to bring him closer.]
[Ultimately the structure of Steve's face didn't change that much after the serum. The jaw broadened a little, and maybe the cheekbones went up a little. He's still capable of that soft smile, it's just that it gets overshadowed with the frequent need to keep a stiff upper lip and teeth gritted against internal and external onslaughts.
None of that's needed right now, luckily, and his countenance relaxes under Bucky's touch, eyes going heavy-lidded. Funny how a small gesture like that means so much, coming from the right guy.
He chuckles at Bucky's comment and gives himself over to the kiss completely, sinking into his arms. He gasps a little when their legs tangle together nonetheless; that's more overtly sensual, but it seems welcome.]
I'm not opposed to that either, honestly. [He murmurs when they pause for air, hooking his ankle around Bucky's.] Just don't want to push too hard for either of us, you know? It's been...a real long time.
[Not never, but definitely not since the war and the ice. Dating, yeah. Kissing, sure. Nothing quite this intimate.]
[Steve’s face has always been unique in Bucky’s memory: the smile, the light in his eyes, the slight twist of his mouth when there’s mischief to be planned. So many of the positives that he can remember are tied up in Steve’s companionship, in Steve’s place in his life. If Bucky can hold onto that by holding onto this, by curving his hand along Steve’s cheek and welcoming him close, welcoming his weight atop Bucky’s own body, then he’ll take it all and greedily.
The fact that Steve doesn’t seem to mind pressing even closer? That’s so good, warm in ways he hadn’t anticipated. He welcomes the tangling of their legs even further, would hook his own higher on Steve’s hip if their positioning on the couch was suited to it. But it’s not and there’s no sense in moving just for that, not when he can trade kisses back and forth just like this until they need to break away to catch their breath.
Those words surprise him though. He knows Steve’s not completely innocent, but he still hadn’t expected it. He’s still getting used to the idea that Steve could, that Steve does want him.]
I don’t know if I’m ready for it. [It’s not just sex; it’s Steve. That makes all the difference.] I want to be, you have no idea how much I want you, but... We need to figure it out.
[For right now though? Kissing. Kissing is fine; kissing is more than fine. Kissing is definitely a thing that Bucky wants more of, drawing Steve in again, parting his lips to welcome the other man to explore. Faintly he wonders when Steve got so damn good at this but decides a moment later that it doesn’t matter, that it’s Steve and right now the only one he seems to want to kiss is Bucky, and Bucky wants to show him exactly how he likes to be kissed.]
[Steve always had a bit of a thing about Bucky's hands--hands in general, to be honest, but particularly with Bucky because his hands were so often taken up in the work of punching out the bullies that Steve got himself tangled up with, or pressing a cool cloth over one of Steve's bumps as he told him off for getting himself in over his head. There was a point, when Bucky first started dating, that Steve actually courted more trouble than he normally would just to make sure he still had a reasonable chunk of Bucky's attention. And touch.
It's strange and a little sad to feel the smooth metal plates stroking his cheekbone, but it's still Bucky. And on the other side, there's that familiar callused thumb and warm palm.]
We have all the time in the world, Buck. You don't have to be ready, there's no rush. [Steve isn't sure how ready he is. Upstairs brain isn't sure, that is. Downstairs brain doesn't require nearly so much nuanced thought to make a decision.] It's just good to be like this...
[He trails off and sinks into another kiss gladly. It feels like they're moving slow, underwater, but it's warm, comforting water, not like plunging into chilly rivers together. And they can breathe, against one another's skin.]
[He's unaware of the trail of Steve's thoughts, and that might be for the best. Too distracting to think about his arm, his hand; it's much easier to just touch Steve as if it's the most normal, the most natural thing in the world.
Really, his body is screaming at him to touch a lot more, to explore more in the way their legs tangle so easily, more of what Steve pressed against him could mean.
Time. They have time.]
Just don't stop kissing me.
[Because he might, just a little bit, be somewhat addicted to the way Steve tastes, to the way he kisses, to the warm, solid weight pressing him down into the couch cushions. He lets his hands wander, finally, one sliding up to sink into Steve's hair and the other tracing down the side of his jaw, his throat, to linger at his collarbone and finally slip to his chest. He could feel the warmth of the other man through his shirt and it was something so very alluring.]
[It's so quiet at this hour of the morning. He can hear a few birds outside, and the occasional whoosh of wind in the trees, the hum of the electronics in the kitchen, and not much else external. That gives him the blessed freedom to focus on the sound of Bucky's breath and the soft, barely-there noises they're both making--not quite moans, but little sighs between kisses.
Except then Steve does give a muffled moan, tilting his head to allow the touch down the side of his neck. He's got goosebumps from it. And for all that they're both protesting they're not ready, they don't seem to be putting the brakes on yet, either.
He nips at Bucky's lower lip, runs his tongue along the curve gently, and then nuzzles into the crook of his neck like he just wants to hold and be held for a moment.]
I just wanna be close to you. [He murmurs, breathless.] Doesn't matter if we're making out or what, I just need this. Okay? You can touch me wherever you want.
[He's having a hard time thinking of a better way to spend his day, now that the option of just snuggling and kissing Bucky for the next few hours appears to have arisen.]
[It's the perfect kind of morning, quiet and serene — the kind that usually sees them out for a run, putting some miles down before the sun's truly up and the city truly awake. Of course Steve had to get all smart with magnetic poetry and Bucky had to prove he could stalk him. And then pancakes and kisses and here they are, in each other's arms and sharing soft little affections and quiet sighs. It's a wonder, truly, the idea that they could have come so far already in such a short time.
Then again they've been dancing around this forever, haven't they? Gay chicken or something like it; maybe they're just so used to leaning against those barriers that it's natural to do so even laying together on the couch with their legs tangled. But that little nip at his lip delights him, earns Steve a bright shock of laughter and Bucky tilts his head so that Steve has more room to burrow against his neck.
He likes that. He really likes that.]
I'll stay as close as you want. [It's an easy promise to make, as easy as breathing, as easy as this thing between them. His hand shifts around to Steve's back, carefully traces his shape from shoulder blade to waist.] That is a hell of an offer to drop in my lap you know. Gonna be honest with you Steve, I could touch you all over.
[Because with Steve pressed against and tangled with him like this, with the temptation of him being so close, with permission freely given? With the fact that they haven't really put the brakes on since they shared that first kiss? It'd be so easy to drive things further. And that might not be off the table, for all that they've said it is. But it also doesn't need to happen right now, not when he's more than content to spend the bulk of the morning in the pursuit of molding the couch cushions to their shape.]
[Steve is inordinately fond of a morning run. Anyone who'll take him up on it, he's happy to go with, but Bucky is ideal because they can keep pace and even exchange jokes on the journey. Turns out magnetic-poetry-induced tag works just as well. Maybe better, given how they're now nestled into one another's arms rather than snarking cheerfully across the table as they sip coffee (not that there's anything wrong with that, either).
Steve is going to take this as a challenge, then. He'll come up with some other game to wake Bucky up with, tomorrow or the next day. Nerf guns or water balloons, out of season Easter Egg hunts, whatever it takes to get a laugh or a kiss or both. This is his new project.
Meanwhile, he's taking Bucky at his word, sliding to the side a little so he's not squashing his chest, but without allowing much more space between them. They're a pile of long, overly-muscled limbs and they're pushing some of the cushions aside by this point. It's great.]
Yeah? Anything in particular you want a closer look at? [Steve laughs; he can't help pushing his luck this way, but he's also very comfortable in the chaos they've made of the sofa.]
Might be safer to keep it above the waist, if we're taking it slow. I guess I could let you up...
[Bucky is blissfully unaware of Steve's plans for their mornings, but that's okay. He enjoyed the surprise that was waking up to magnets on his arm, and for several reasons. The first is that it really was amusing! And the second, more important reason, is that he'd been sleeping soundly enough for Steve to sneak up on him. That's huge because it means that Bucky's finally comfortable enough, in his own skin and in Steve's presence, to sleep soundly.
For someone who still has nightmares on the regular, it's no small matter.
But right now is for shifting around on the poor, abused couch, cushions and pillows knocked askew by two men who are really probably a bit too big to be doing this. That kind of makes it perfect though, because it's a little bit silly and a lot bit fun.]
Uh, all of you? [Well, duh is what his tone of voice says, but Bucky's smile is gentle.] Steve, I don't know if you know this, but you're gorgeous.
[Keeping it above the waist is definitely a smart idea though; as it is Bucky's already very tempted just by how they're currently laying close. But he does slide a hand back to Steve's waist, gives a gentle squeeze.]
Or we could just wiggle around here together. I don't think I want to get up.
[Steve has been aware of the nightmares. He himself has become quite the insomniac since the serum. Even on the USO tour, before he had quite so much nightmare fuel filed away in his brain (although watching Dr. Erskine die more or less in his arms was probably plenty), he found himself up at all hours. Walking halls at 3 AM. Jogging up and down stairs trying to get himself tired enough to rest. More than five hours a night just doesn't happen often. These days, he's pleased if he manages to sleep for three a night. He's pretty sure what he's been through is a drop in the bucket to what Bucky has suffered, but even at that rate he's seen plenty of horror.
But now it's an advantage to need and want less sleep. It means he can keep an eye on Bucky (from a distance; no one wants to wake up from a bad dream and find their friend staring at them from the doorway), and Steve finds the knowledge that Bucky is safe in the next room, even if he's twitchy and wakeful, deeply reassuring. It's almost too bad he doesn't snore. Steve would happily doze to that sound.]
Thanks. [He blushes a little, grinning.] I'd pass along the compliment to Erskine if I could.
[That could sound bitter, but it most comes out matter-of-fact. The serum didn't change his face much, but it sure reshaped the rest of him.
He laughs.] Pal, if you do too much wiggling around here, taking things slow is going to fly right out the window. I'm just letting you know.
[Because they're all tangled together, and Steve's groin is about at the level of Bucky's hip, and there's a distinct possibility of having to break for a cold shower if they keep at this for long enough.] But I don't want to get up, either.
[Maybe one day they'll be comfortable enough — Bucky will be comfortable enough in his own skin — to talk about the nightmares. Maybe one day there will be hands on shoulders or arms around waists, a soft voice to pull him out of the dreams. Maybe. Bucky knows it's going to take a lot of trust to get there, and it's not trust in Steve; that's an absolute. It's trusting himself that's the difficult part.
But he doesn't have to think about that right now.]
It's not just the serum. [He frames Steve's face with both hands, leans in to kiss him slow and sweet.] Most of it's just you.
[Because it's not just the physical, though Bucky has a very big appreciation for Steve's shape now. No, it's about the entire way he holds himself, confident in his strength but not needing to prove anything. And it's the parts of the old Steve still lingering, the ferocity and the mischief, the glint that he gets in his eye that tells Bucky that they're in for a wild adventure of some sort.]
You're not the only one with that problem, trust me. [Because Steve's weight on top of him is addictive, and Bucky kind of really wants to wiggle around under him (and over him and next to him and against him and oh) to see what kinds of reactions he can pull out of the other man.] A part of me, a real big part, just wants to say the hell with it and tell you to take me to bed.
[Steve trusts Bucky's intentions absolutely. He's been through Hell, and there are dark places that linger within him from that, and no man can help but be shaped by the things that have happened to him. Steve knows that from his own experience. He's not the same man he was before the war or the ice, and neither is Bucky. But there's a soul beneath the nightmares, some kind of essence of the person he is. Steve doesn't think that's changed much, for either of them.
He trusts that. And maybe sooner or later, so will Bucky himself.
The hands cradling his face make him blink and focus in dreamily on Bucky's face. It's a little slice of Heaven to be safe and warm against him, to be handled with affection and given lingering, sweet kisses. Some of his higher brain functions might be shutting down, as much with the feeling of comfort and satisfaction as libido.]
Bucky...that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time. [Deep down, he's still that cranky, reckless little guy whose lungs betrayed him every winter and who couldn't step away from a fight to save his life. It's just that there are a few layers on top of that now, too; layers of muscle, responsibility, and issues. No one in the world except the guy in his arms right now has the capacity to see all of it at once.
He kisses him back, slow and deep as if he's trying to express his emotions that way, but a moment later he's chuckling again, because the cushions are sliding out from under him, and he's sinking into the space between them and the back of the sofa, and it reminds him of pillow and blanket forts he and Bucky built when they were boys.
He props himself up a little, flushed and smiling, and starts to squirm out of his shirt.] Yeah? How big is this part of yours?
[He's playing with fire, maybe, but it's not like Bucky hasn't seen him shirtless before. He lets the discarded fabric hang over the arm of the sofa and sinks back into the other man with a sigh, half lust, half contentment.]
Anyway, do you want bed, or should we be building a blanket fort to make out in? We're getting the cushions all over the place, anyway.
[There are so many things they'll need to talk about, to figure out with each other. So many things they haven't talked about because they haven't needed to, because things between them have just worked. They fit together like gears or puzzle pieces, a little jagged and roughed up around the edges but still slotting against each other like they were always meant to be there.
When he can hold Steve like this, kiss him like this, he thinks that maybe they were.]
Maybe no one else sees you quite the way I do. And I'm completely okay with that. [Maybe it's something that's always been true. But even back in the war Steve had been Cap to everyone else, and Steve to Bucky. He's always been Steve, and Bucky thinks he always will. Cap belongs too much to the country, too much to the world. But Steve? He belongs to lazy mornings and magnetic poetry and bad limericks and pancakes and kisses on the couch. Steve is those kisses falling apart into shared laughter because they really are too big for the couch and sooner or later something's going to give with the mess they're making of the cushions and themselves.
It's the best morning Bucky's had in a while. And that's before Steve starts taking off his shirt. Bucky's attentions instantly zoom in on the action, heat curling into the pit of his stomach and mouth going a little dry at the sight.]
It's getting a hell of a lot bigger now. [It's part innuendo and part not, truly. Hands trace up Steve's torso, chasing the hem of his shirt and it's pulled off and he's seen Steve shirtless before, both before and after the serum. But there's something about it now, something that's tied up in the way Steve kisses him, the way he presses close, the way their bodies are tangling more with every moment. It's like a magnetic pull, as silly as that sounds; Bucky is drawn to Steve in the most natural, most irresistible way.
And he wants it.
Wants to trace his hands, metal and flesh, down Steve's torso, smooth skin contoured over solid muscle. Wants to linger where Steve seems to like it best, wants to pull him closer to feel the weight of Steve's body atop his own. Wants to pull Steve into another kiss, one that's tinted with an edge of hunger because hello libido, you're definitely awake now.]
You know, I really do like this couch. I do. But I really really like the idea of being in your bed even more. [Even if they're not intimate, there's something intimate about it, a space that's mostly private. Bucky thinks he'd like to share that privacy with Steve; he knows he'd like to see what it feels like to be so entangled and not have to worry about knocking any more couch cushions askew or falling into the gap at the back of the couch.] Or having you in mine.
[A beat.] Though maybe we can build that fort this afternoon.
[They were. Soulmates is probably an over-romanticized concept, but the idea has occurred to Steve more than once. Maybe it's Bucky's patient loyalty that won Steve over when they were children, the ridiculously longsuffering tolerance with which he put up with his scrawny friend's escapades. Maybe 'till the end of the line' wouldn't be a thing to them if they'd met or been raised under other circumstances. If the timing had been off. If Steve had been a little more stroppy, or Bucky had been a little less good-natured.
The thing is, Steve doesn't think so. He thinks they belong, always have, always will. He couldn't imagine life without Bucky. Oh, he could trudge through it and get things done, could even smile and laugh and make friends he would give his life for, but there was always going to be a piece subtly lacking. Like a color suddenly went missing from the rainbow.
His heart and soul hunger for Bucky. There are things about himself Steve can't change, serum or no, and that's the biggest one of them.
He blushes a little at the look on Bucky's face when he discards his shirt, and honestly, Steve is anything but vain, even now, but he almost wants to preen under that gaze. It wouldn't work with anyone else; it wouldn't feel like they were looking at him. Bucky is different. He sees right through him.]
Oh, god, Buck... [He's breathless, and now that the suggestion has been made he's not going to be able to get it out of his head.] I...your bed? Can we?
[It shouldn't matter. They both have the same goddamn bed. The only difference is the color of the sheets (Steve's are blue, and some smartass got him a faux-patchwork quilt with an Americana theme to it). But Bucky's bed is, well, Bucky's bed and even after seven decades there are some fantasies that are hard to shake, and impossible to turn down when they're offered.]
Fuck it. Whatever happens...let's just let it happen. [He pulls himself up and offers Bucky his hands, as if he needed the help to rise.]
[Maybe it's just something so simple that it's never occurred to them: they just fit. No labels, nothing fancy needed to define or describe it. Labels over complicate things anyway and that's something they definitely don't need. No, they just fit like a morning run turned game of tag, like magnetic poetry answered with ninja stalking, like chocolate chip pancakes and coffee.
They fit like Bucky's hands curving to trace Steve's shape, gliding over smooth warm skin and exploring the contours of muscle. And it's not just about how the serum changed his friend, not just about the physical shape he now takes. It's about the intimacy of exploring that shape, about learning how he fits against Bucky's own body, about discovering each other through the rapidly diminishing space between them. It's about breaking the last of their barriers, about showing each other those indelible marks that life has made on them and the harder to see marks that they're renewing on each other's souls.
It might be an overly romantic notion, but he kind of likes it.
And Bucky really, really likes the way Steve's voice has gone a little thready with desire — a feeling that matches what's growing in Bucky himself.]
Yeah. Yeah, we can. [His smile curls slow and lazy and genuine as the idea fully takes hold. Steve in his bed? It's more attractive than it has a right to be. And Bucky wonders if it's a place he should've allowed Steve from the very start.
The hands held out though, that's special and Bucky slips his own hands into Steve's, lets his friend pull him up off the couch. Sure, he doesn't strictly need the help (despite the best efforts of the couch cushions to swallow him whole!), but he wants it, just as much as he wants his hands to always be in Steve's. Plus, it gives him the chance to tuck in close and kiss Steve until they're both smiling like fools again.
Letting whatever happens just happen? That sounds like the best idea in the world to him right now. It's what has Bucky tugging at Steve's hands, pulling him in the direction of his bedroom — which is not that different from Steve's, truth be told: nearly identical furniture, a muted color palette of greys and black (and absent the Americana quilt that a certain smartass still snickers about). But it's a space in which he's become comfortable, a space into which he wants to invite Steve.
Unless Steve has other intentions Bucky's planning on tugging him right up to the side of the bed, planning on sitting down and looking up at his friend with affection and a smile shining in his eyes.] Join me?
[It's funny how sensations have changed, between his original, smaller and more delicate shape, and the one he wears now. Pain changed. Before the serum, there were different colors of pain. Yellow pain was normal, every day aches in his joints and back. Blue was the color of the pain in his chest when his lungs were air-hungry. Green was sick pain, nausea or ulcers flaring up.. Red pain was something broken or threatening to break. Now, all pain is white pain, a flare that's there and gone again and doesn't make much sense to his altered body. Doesn't have to, because whatever causes it heals so quickly.
But pleasure? Pleasure has new, variant textures and colors that he's barely had a chance to record and categorize in his head. He closes his eyes when Bucky's hands slide over his torso, and he can almost envision them leaving a blaze of color across his skin in their wake, gold and violet and searing pink like a sunset, and it radiates from skin to muscle and down to the bone. And even after the caresses stop and Bucky's talking to him again, Steve can still almost feel the prints of his fingers on his chest.
The kissing just layers more sensation on top of sensation. He thinks he might be glowing as they head into the bedroom. Bucky's space is furnished in neutral, dark tones; Steve has a moment, hilariously, where he envisions everything shifting into blazing colors as they sink onto the bed. Like in the Wizard of Oz.
Christ, Bucky's eyes are beautiful.]
You don't have to ask me twice. [He doesn't want to push too far, doesn't want to rush, but the eager insistence with which he flings himself into Bucky's arms again might just knock them both flat onto the sheets.]
[Inviting Steve into his bed seems as natural as breathing. And certainly Steve's never been forbidden from Bucky's bedroom or anything silly like that, but neither of them have really infringed on the other's space. Maybe they both know too much of what it is to have no privacy, to have their lives on display. Or maybe it's just old fashioned respect, manners leftover from their upbringing that still have a place in their lives today.
Whatever it is, it's a gross oversight now corrected because the smile that Steve gets when he asks him to join Bucky? That smile is amazing.]
I'm gonna ask you a hundred times, just to hear you say yes again.
[Bucky is most certainly strong enough to have kept his seat, but why could he possibly want to? When he has Steve all but pouncing him the only course of action is to fall back, pulling his partner close and laughing freely, happily. He wants this, in whatever shape it takes, wherever they decide to go with each other. And knowing that Steve seems to feel the same is so freeing.
Taking it slow doesn't seem quite as appealing as when they'd started, especially not with a shirtless Steve in his bed. It seems like an excellent time for some good-natured wrestling, an attempt to put Steve on his back so that Bucky can explore that beautifully bared torso in earnest.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-04-18 03:54 am (UTC)He always has; that space has always been for him. Bucky just never thought that he could deserve to have so much of Steve's attention, not anymore. To know that he does is something he both treasures and guards fiercely.
And the looks that Steve's giving him? They make his stomach flip flop a little bit because while Bucky most certainly knows how to flirt — and he's damn good at it — flirting with Steve and knowing that the attraction is mutual? That's something entirely new.
It's a good thing he doesn't know about that half-formed impulse to lick syrup from his fingers or else things would escalate very very quickly.]
Maybe just a little. [He laughs though, and not unkindly. Even in lightheartedness like this there lurks a potential for heavy topics and heavy concerns and Bucky doesn't want to steer toward those waters right now. It's not complete avoidance; they've talked about the darker cast their lives now have, talked about how they've ended up where they are and even talked a little bit about hardships endured. But this isn't the time for those thoughts to intrude. No, this is a time for everything that's warm and welcoming, time for Bucky to retrieve clean plates and plastic wrap from the cabinets so that pancakes can slide right on with the wrap stretched carefully over top.
It gives him a good opportunity to watch Steve, as well: to watch his blush, to watch his hands as they maneuver the spatula, to watch the play of the muscles across his shoulders as hands and arms move. To just sit and watch, because he hadn't been kidding earlier: Bucky likes looking at Steve. A lot.
And once the pancakes are done? Once everything that needs to be packaged is packaged, once the stove is turned off so that there won't be any more adventures in burning? Bucky reaches out to touch Steve's shoulder, to let his fingers drag along it to find the side of his throat, his cheek. He keeps it gentle, not forceful; wants to draw Steve in with an invitation, not a command.]
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Date: 2018-04-19 02:39 am (UTC)[The stalking delivery of his limerick earlier is a perfect illustration. Steve couldn't ask for better. In spite of everything they've been through and everything that's hanging over their heads, he feels content right now. Happy.
That's Bucky's fault.
Once the pancakes are packaged and ingredients are put away, Steve is drawn into his friend's touch like there's a magnet pulling him in. Wouldn't matter if it was more aggressive; Steve's not scared of him and he'd come in close willingly. Still, the softness is nice.
When they were younger, that gentleness would have been offputting. Steve never wanted to be coddled then, wanted to be seen as strong and masculine and a force to be reckoned with. Now, he wishes he hadn't taken tenderness and care for granted for so many years. Now, gentleness makes him melt inside.
His arms go around Bucky's waist tentatively.] You want to stay here or go sit on the couch?
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Date: 2018-04-19 04:53 pm (UTC)Steve brings out a lot of things in him. One of them is possibility. With Steve sliding close like this, that one word holds so much weight. And it's not an uncomfortable burden; it's one of the few things that isn't a burden at all.
Like cleaning the kitchen, like putting away ingredients and getting things into the sink to soak in some soapy water. Like putting the ingredients away and folding the apron over a stool by the counter. Like sharing a look with Steve, one that leads to getting close again, to a gentle touch and a smile and when Steve moves to return the embrace? It's perfect.
Bucky sways closer, into the embrace of those arms, his free hand curling against Steve's shoulder. There's a smile on his face, warm and open.] Both. Is both an answer?
[No Bucky, you really need to pick one.] I think the idea of the couch wins though. As much as I'm always going to like this kitchen for witnessing our first kiss, I'd really just like to be closer to you.
[It's a lot less teasing than most of Bucky's recent comments, and that's because of how important this is to him. How much he wants to do things right, how much he wants to match the sweetness Steve said he wanted. Not that there isn't room for teasing, for wickedness, even for a little bit of rough play; they're all things that Bucky knows he likes. But he also thinks he likes this, likes how it fits a lazy morning with half a burnt pancake shared and he's betting that Steve's kiss is going to taste sweet now, like syrup and chocolate.
He should find out for sure.]
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Date: 2018-04-20 02:04 am (UTC)Now his raw nerves seem to stop aching so much in Bucky's presence. Sure, he's a mess himself. There's still guilt and there will always be a fight they can't get away from, but when Steve is with Bucky, he is home. His head knows it, and so does his body.]
Witnessing our first kiss? Now you really are being sentimental. [And he likes it. He's even a little desperate for it, and Bucky's reward for it is a tighter embrace, Steve burying his forehead against his shoulder for a moment.
But then, because he's pretty sure even with Bucky's increased bulk he still can, Steve pulls him off the counter and into his arms and makes for the next room, where the couch can be found.] All right, let's do this! That sofa won't know what hit it.
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Date: 2018-04-20 03:47 am (UTC)Being with Steve is being home, no matter where they end up — to the end of the line and back again.]
You bring it out in me. [It's true; Bucky isn't really the sentimental sort, and most of the things he'd be sentimental about anyway are all tied up in Steve. And a moment like this, with Steve holding him closer, with Steve leaning closer? It's perfect for sentiment, for turning his head to nuzzle softly against Steve's temple.
And for clutching to Steve's shoulders when he's lifted off the counter! It's definitely not something he was expecting — Steve had certainly never been able to do it in their youth — and the action makes him laugh and wrap his legs securely around Steve's waist. He's going to be near breathless by the time they make it to the couch, eyes shining with the happiness he feels at just being together, just having this chance.]
Just don't drop me! [It's clear that it's a tease more than anything else; Bucky trusts Steve with his life and he most certainly trusts in Steve's strength now. He knows he won't be dropped. Playfully tossed on the couch and pounced, now — that would be a different story.]
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Date: 2018-04-23 02:43 am (UTC)Maybe it's a little easier with Bucky. It means more, and the stakes are higher, but they've been close for a long, long time.
Steve is breathless by the time they reach the sofa, as well, because the feeling of Bucky's thighs wrapped around his waist is really intense. There's a lot of muscle, he can feel it, and there are some connotations his brain isn't prepared to deal with calmly. He bites down on his lower lip, grinning and blushing, and when they get to the couch, he pauses for only a moment, metaphorical wheels turning in his head as he tries to decide whether he wants to pounce on top of Bucky or let himself be pounced.
In the end, he opts for the former, more or less flinging them into the cushions and rolling on top of the other man. There's a little less space on the couch than is ideal for two tallish guys, so Steve's legs trail off the cushions, but it's pretty cozy anyway.
He props himself up on his elbows and smiles fondly down at Bucky. He's rose-pink, all the way down his neck.]
How's this work for you?
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Date: 2018-04-23 04:20 am (UTC)Steve's not the only one who's face is getting a little bit pink.
But what really does it for Bucky is as they pass from kitchen to living room and he has the stray thought — in Sam's voice no less — about walls and sex ninjas and it's so ridiculous because they are nowhere near anything like that (yet...?) for all that they'd teased a little while Steve was cooking. And that actually helps with the tension, helps him to let go some of the embarrassment that is those implications and just enjoy the simplicity of being in Steve's arms, of trusting in Steve to move them.
Because he trusts Steve with everything — apparently even his heart. And that thought? That brings the laughter right back and he holds to Steve a little tighter, shoulders shaking with his mirth.
Bucky's in stitches by the time his back hits the couch cushions with Steve pressed atop him. It's a pure kind of laughter, free and clear and happy and delighting more than anything in just being a little bit silly with his best friend. With Steve. Who he gets to hold now too, gets to hug and kiss and feed burnt pancakes to and—
—and it's okay that Steve's blushing because Bucky is grinning like a fool. It's okay that they don't quite fit on the couch, that feet hang off and there's not really a good way to manage things like elbows and knees. It's perfect actually because it's not perfect, and that's just fine for two kids from Brooklyn.]
This is perfect. [He raises one hand to brush the hair back from Steve's face, trying to combat the bit of gravity that's working against him.] Nowhere else I'd rather be.
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Date: 2018-04-24 02:31 pm (UTC)Still, his blush isn't going anywhere any time soon.
How long has it been since he heard Bucky laughing? Really laughing, not just a snort of revelation or a bitter chuckle? Steve has good hearing, thanks to the serum, where he was deaf in one ear before--it's not supernormal, just on the upper end of the spectrum of decent human auditory skills--but he wishes it was better, so he could catch every little nuance of that laughing fit. Bucky sounds so...unburdened. Relieved, in the deeper sense of the word. He wants him to feel that way for the rest of his life.
That's probably not in the cards, but they're both going to damn well enjoy this while it lasts, today and any day they get after this.]
You sure? [He teases, but his eyes drift closed at the touch.] I can still haul your ass back to the kitchen if I have to.
[Or just kiss him again. Steve could absolutely do that. So he does.]
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Date: 2018-04-24 03:27 pm (UTC)Bucky could fall for this man, he thinks. He really could. And if that falling comes with literally falling onto a couch together, laughing and smiling and Steve’s blush? He has no complaints.]
Steve. [Bucky’s hand trails from his hair down to cup the side of his face, thumb roving over his cheek.] If we relocate again, it’s not gonna be to the kitchen.
[Eliminating kitchen and living room doesn’t leave a lot of the apartment left for consideration, so it’s probably clear that Bucky means one of their bedrooms. But that’s not something they need to consider now. It’s not even something they need to consider soon. Right now all he wants to do is return Steve’s kiss, sounding softly against his mouth. And he shifts a little, just enough to dovetail one of his legs between Steve’s in an attempt to bring him closer.]
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Date: 2018-04-26 06:24 pm (UTC)None of that's needed right now, luckily, and his countenance relaxes under Bucky's touch, eyes going heavy-lidded. Funny how a small gesture like that means so much, coming from the right guy.
He chuckles at Bucky's comment and gives himself over to the kiss completely, sinking into his arms. He gasps a little when their legs tangle together nonetheless; that's more overtly sensual, but it seems welcome.]
I'm not opposed to that either, honestly. [He murmurs when they pause for air, hooking his ankle around Bucky's.] Just don't want to push too hard for either of us, you know? It's been...a real long time.
[Not never, but definitely not since the war and the ice. Dating, yeah. Kissing, sure. Nothing quite this intimate.]
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Date: 2018-04-26 07:36 pm (UTC)The fact that Steve doesn’t seem to mind pressing even closer? That’s so good, warm in ways he hadn’t anticipated. He welcomes the tangling of their legs even further, would hook his own higher on Steve’s hip if their positioning on the couch was suited to it. But it’s not and there’s no sense in moving just for that, not when he can trade kisses back and forth just like this until they need to break away to catch their breath.
Those words surprise him though. He knows Steve’s not completely innocent, but he still hadn’t expected it. He’s still getting used to the idea that Steve could, that Steve does want him.]
I don’t know if I’m ready for it. [It’s not just sex; it’s Steve. That makes all the difference.] I want to be, you have no idea how much I want you, but... We need to figure it out.
[For right now though? Kissing. Kissing is fine; kissing is more than fine. Kissing is definitely a thing that Bucky wants more of, drawing Steve in again, parting his lips to welcome the other man to explore. Faintly he wonders when Steve got so damn good at this but decides a moment later that it doesn’t matter, that it’s Steve and right now the only one he seems to want to kiss is Bucky, and Bucky wants to show him exactly how he likes to be kissed.]
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Date: 2018-04-30 02:43 am (UTC)It's strange and a little sad to feel the smooth metal plates stroking his cheekbone, but it's still Bucky. And on the other side, there's that familiar callused thumb and warm palm.]
We have all the time in the world, Buck. You don't have to be ready, there's no rush. [Steve isn't sure how ready he is. Upstairs brain isn't sure, that is. Downstairs brain doesn't require nearly so much nuanced thought to make a decision.] It's just good to be like this...
[He trails off and sinks into another kiss gladly. It feels like they're moving slow, underwater, but it's warm, comforting water, not like plunging into chilly rivers together. And they can breathe, against one another's skin.]
"upstairs brain" and "downstairs brain" is the greatest thing i have read all day
Date: 2018-04-30 05:41 am (UTC)Really, his body is screaming at him to touch a lot more, to explore more in the way their legs tangle so easily, more of what Steve pressed against him could mean.
Time. They have time.]
Just don't stop kissing me.
[Because he might, just a little bit, be somewhat addicted to the way Steve tastes, to the way he kisses, to the warm, solid weight pressing him down into the couch cushions. He lets his hands wander, finally, one sliding up to sink into Steve's hair and the other tracing down the side of his jaw, his throat, to linger at his collarbone and finally slip to his chest. He could feel the warmth of the other man through his shirt and it was something so very alluring.]
haha, thank you!
Date: 2018-05-01 02:59 am (UTC)Except then Steve does give a muffled moan, tilting his head to allow the touch down the side of his neck. He's got goosebumps from it. And for all that they're both protesting they're not ready, they don't seem to be putting the brakes on yet, either.
He nips at Bucky's lower lip, runs his tongue along the curve gently, and then nuzzles into the crook of his neck like he just wants to hold and be held for a moment.]
I just wanna be close to you. [He murmurs, breathless.] Doesn't matter if we're making out or what, I just need this. Okay? You can touch me wherever you want.
[He's having a hard time thinking of a better way to spend his day, now that the option of just snuggling and kissing Bucky for the next few hours appears to have arisen.]
♥!
Date: 2018-05-01 06:41 am (UTC)Then again they've been dancing around this forever, haven't they? Gay chicken or something like it; maybe they're just so used to leaning against those barriers that it's natural to do so even laying together on the couch with their legs tangled. But that little nip at his lip delights him, earns Steve a bright shock of laughter and Bucky tilts his head so that Steve has more room to burrow against his neck.
He likes that. He really likes that.]
I'll stay as close as you want. [It's an easy promise to make, as easy as breathing, as easy as this thing between them. His hand shifts around to Steve's back, carefully traces his shape from shoulder blade to waist.] That is a hell of an offer to drop in my lap you know. Gonna be honest with you Steve, I could touch you all over.
[Because with Steve pressed against and tangled with him like this, with the temptation of him being so close, with permission freely given? With the fact that they haven't really put the brakes on since they shared that first kiss? It'd be so easy to drive things further. And that might not be off the table, for all that they've said it is. But it also doesn't need to happen right now, not when he's more than content to spend the bulk of the morning in the pursuit of molding the couch cushions to their shape.]
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Date: 2018-05-02 02:12 am (UTC)Steve is going to take this as a challenge, then. He'll come up with some other game to wake Bucky up with, tomorrow or the next day. Nerf guns or water balloons, out of season Easter Egg hunts, whatever it takes to get a laugh or a kiss or both. This is his new project.
Meanwhile, he's taking Bucky at his word, sliding to the side a little so he's not squashing his chest, but without allowing much more space between them. They're a pile of long, overly-muscled limbs and they're pushing some of the cushions aside by this point. It's great.]
Yeah? Anything in particular you want a closer look at? [Steve laughs; he can't help pushing his luck this way, but he's also very comfortable in the chaos they've made of the sofa.]
Might be safer to keep it above the waist, if we're taking it slow. I guess I could let you up...
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Date: 2018-05-02 03:47 am (UTC)For someone who still has nightmares on the regular, it's no small matter.
But right now is for shifting around on the poor, abused couch, cushions and pillows knocked askew by two men who are really probably a bit too big to be doing this. That kind of makes it perfect though, because it's a little bit silly and a lot bit fun.]
Uh, all of you? [Well, duh is what his tone of voice says, but Bucky's smile is gentle.] Steve, I don't know if you know this, but you're gorgeous.
[Keeping it above the waist is definitely a smart idea though; as it is Bucky's already very tempted just by how they're currently laying close. But he does slide a hand back to Steve's waist, gives a gentle squeeze.]
Or we could just wiggle around here together. I don't think I want to get up.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-06 02:27 am (UTC)But now it's an advantage to need and want less sleep. It means he can keep an eye on Bucky (from a distance; no one wants to wake up from a bad dream and find their friend staring at them from the doorway), and Steve finds the knowledge that Bucky is safe in the next room, even if he's twitchy and wakeful, deeply reassuring. It's almost too bad he doesn't snore. Steve would happily doze to that sound.]
Thanks. [He blushes a little, grinning.] I'd pass along the compliment to Erskine if I could.
[That could sound bitter, but it most comes out matter-of-fact. The serum didn't change his face much, but it sure reshaped the rest of him.
He laughs.] Pal, if you do too much wiggling around here, taking things slow is going to fly right out the window. I'm just letting you know.
[Because they're all tangled together, and Steve's groin is about at the level of Bucky's hip, and there's a distinct possibility of having to break for a cold shower if they keep at this for long enough.] But I don't want to get up, either.
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Date: 2018-05-06 04:56 am (UTC)But he doesn't have to think about that right now.]
It's not just the serum. [He frames Steve's face with both hands, leans in to kiss him slow and sweet.] Most of it's just you.
[Because it's not just the physical, though Bucky has a very big appreciation for Steve's shape now. No, it's about the entire way he holds himself, confident in his strength but not needing to prove anything. And it's the parts of the old Steve still lingering, the ferocity and the mischief, the glint that he gets in his eye that tells Bucky that they're in for a wild adventure of some sort.]
You're not the only one with that problem, trust me. [Because Steve's weight on top of him is addictive, and Bucky kind of really wants to wiggle around under him (and over him and next to him and against him and oh) to see what kinds of reactions he can pull out of the other man.] A part of me, a real big part, just wants to say the hell with it and tell you to take me to bed.
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Date: 2018-05-07 03:03 am (UTC)He trusts that. And maybe sooner or later, so will Bucky himself.
The hands cradling his face make him blink and focus in dreamily on Bucky's face. It's a little slice of Heaven to be safe and warm against him, to be handled with affection and given lingering, sweet kisses. Some of his higher brain functions might be shutting down, as much with the feeling of comfort and satisfaction as libido.]
Bucky...that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time. [Deep down, he's still that cranky, reckless little guy whose lungs betrayed him every winter and who couldn't step away from a fight to save his life. It's just that there are a few layers on top of that now, too; layers of muscle, responsibility, and issues. No one in the world except the guy in his arms right now has the capacity to see all of it at once.
He kisses him back, slow and deep as if he's trying to express his emotions that way, but a moment later he's chuckling again, because the cushions are sliding out from under him, and he's sinking into the space between them and the back of the sofa, and it reminds him of pillow and blanket forts he and Bucky built when they were boys.
He props himself up a little, flushed and smiling, and starts to squirm out of his shirt.] Yeah? How big is this part of yours?
[He's playing with fire, maybe, but it's not like Bucky hasn't seen him shirtless before. He lets the discarded fabric hang over the arm of the sofa and sinks back into the other man with a sigh, half lust, half contentment.]
Anyway, do you want bed, or should we be building a blanket fort to make out in? We're getting the cushions all over the place, anyway.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-07 06:09 am (UTC)When he can hold Steve like this, kiss him like this, he thinks that maybe they were.]
Maybe no one else sees you quite the way I do. And I'm completely okay with that. [Maybe it's something that's always been true. But even back in the war Steve had been Cap to everyone else, and Steve to Bucky. He's always been Steve, and Bucky thinks he always will. Cap belongs too much to the country, too much to the world. But Steve? He belongs to lazy mornings and magnetic poetry and bad limericks and pancakes and kisses on the couch. Steve is those kisses falling apart into shared laughter because they really are too big for the couch and sooner or later something's going to give with the mess they're making of the cushions and themselves.
It's the best morning Bucky's had in a while. And that's before Steve starts taking off his shirt. Bucky's attentions instantly zoom in on the action, heat curling into the pit of his stomach and mouth going a little dry at the sight.]
It's getting a hell of a lot bigger now. [It's part innuendo and part not, truly. Hands trace up Steve's torso, chasing the hem of his shirt and it's pulled off and he's seen Steve shirtless before, both before and after the serum. But there's something about it now, something that's tied up in the way Steve kisses him, the way he presses close, the way their bodies are tangling more with every moment. It's like a magnetic pull, as silly as that sounds; Bucky is drawn to Steve in the most natural, most irresistible way.
And he wants it.
Wants to trace his hands, metal and flesh, down Steve's torso, smooth skin contoured over solid muscle. Wants to linger where Steve seems to like it best, wants to pull him closer to feel the weight of Steve's body atop his own. Wants to pull Steve into another kiss, one that's tinted with an edge of hunger because hello libido, you're definitely awake now.]
You know, I really do like this couch. I do. But I really really like the idea of being in your bed even more. [Even if they're not intimate, there's something intimate about it, a space that's mostly private. Bucky thinks he'd like to share that privacy with Steve; he knows he'd like to see what it feels like to be so entangled and not have to worry about knocking any more couch cushions askew or falling into the gap at the back of the couch.] Or having you in mine.
[A beat.] Though maybe we can build that fort this afternoon.
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Date: 2018-05-16 02:50 am (UTC)The thing is, Steve doesn't think so. He thinks they belong, always have, always will. He couldn't imagine life without Bucky. Oh, he could trudge through it and get things done, could even smile and laugh and make friends he would give his life for, but there was always going to be a piece subtly lacking. Like a color suddenly went missing from the rainbow.
His heart and soul hunger for Bucky. There are things about himself Steve can't change, serum or no, and that's the biggest one of them.
He blushes a little at the look on Bucky's face when he discards his shirt, and honestly, Steve is anything but vain, even now, but he almost wants to preen under that gaze. It wouldn't work with anyone else; it wouldn't feel like they were looking at him. Bucky is different. He sees right through him.]
Oh, god, Buck... [He's breathless, and now that the suggestion has been made he's not going to be able to get it out of his head.] I...your bed? Can we?
[It shouldn't matter. They both have the same goddamn bed. The only difference is the color of the sheets (Steve's are blue, and some smartass got him a faux-patchwork quilt with an Americana theme to it). But Bucky's bed is, well, Bucky's bed and even after seven decades there are some fantasies that are hard to shake, and impossible to turn down when they're offered.]
Fuck it. Whatever happens...let's just let it happen. [He pulls himself up and offers Bucky his hands, as if he needed the help to rise.]
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Date: 2018-05-16 05:05 am (UTC)They fit like Bucky's hands curving to trace Steve's shape, gliding over smooth warm skin and exploring the contours of muscle. And it's not just about how the serum changed his friend, not just about the physical shape he now takes. It's about the intimacy of exploring that shape, about learning how he fits against Bucky's own body, about discovering each other through the rapidly diminishing space between them. It's about breaking the last of their barriers, about showing each other those indelible marks that life has made on them and the harder to see marks that they're renewing on each other's souls.
It might be an overly romantic notion, but he kind of likes it.
And Bucky really, really likes the way Steve's voice has gone a little thready with desire — a feeling that matches what's growing in Bucky himself.]
Yeah. Yeah, we can. [His smile curls slow and lazy and genuine as the idea fully takes hold. Steve in his bed? It's more attractive than it has a right to be. And Bucky wonders if it's a place he should've allowed Steve from the very start.
The hands held out though, that's special and Bucky slips his own hands into Steve's, lets his friend pull him up off the couch. Sure, he doesn't strictly need the help (despite the best efforts of the couch cushions to swallow him whole!), but he wants it, just as much as he wants his hands to always be in Steve's. Plus, it gives him the chance to tuck in close and kiss Steve until they're both smiling like fools again.
Letting whatever happens just happen? That sounds like the best idea in the world to him right now. It's what has Bucky tugging at Steve's hands, pulling him in the direction of his bedroom — which is not that different from Steve's, truth be told: nearly identical furniture, a muted color palette of greys and black (and absent the Americana quilt that a certain smartass still snickers about). But it's a space in which he's become comfortable, a space into which he wants to invite Steve.
Unless Steve has other intentions Bucky's planning on tugging him right up to the side of the bed, planning on sitting down and looking up at his friend with affection and a smile shining in his eyes.] Join me?
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Date: 2018-05-21 02:04 am (UTC)But pleasure? Pleasure has new, variant textures and colors that he's barely had a chance to record and categorize in his head. He closes his eyes when Bucky's hands slide over his torso, and he can almost envision them leaving a blaze of color across his skin in their wake, gold and violet and searing pink like a sunset, and it radiates from skin to muscle and down to the bone. And even after the caresses stop and Bucky's talking to him again, Steve can still almost feel the prints of his fingers on his chest.
The kissing just layers more sensation on top of sensation. He thinks he might be glowing as they head into the bedroom. Bucky's space is furnished in neutral, dark tones; Steve has a moment, hilariously, where he envisions everything shifting into blazing colors as they sink onto the bed. Like in the Wizard of Oz.
Christ, Bucky's eyes are beautiful.]
You don't have to ask me twice. [He doesn't want to push too far, doesn't want to rush, but the eager insistence with which he flings himself into Bucky's arms again might just knock them both flat onto the sheets.]
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Date: 2018-05-21 04:23 am (UTC)Whatever it is, it's a gross oversight now corrected because the smile that Steve gets when he asks him to join Bucky? That smile is amazing.]
I'm gonna ask you a hundred times, just to hear you say yes again.
[Bucky is most certainly strong enough to have kept his seat, but why could he possibly want to? When he has Steve all but pouncing him the only course of action is to fall back, pulling his partner close and laughing freely, happily. He wants this, in whatever shape it takes, wherever they decide to go with each other. And knowing that Steve seems to feel the same is so freeing.
Taking it slow doesn't seem quite as appealing as when they'd started, especially not with a shirtless Steve in his bed. It seems like an excellent time for some good-natured wrestling, an attempt to put Steve on his back so that Bucky can explore that beautifully bared torso in earnest.]
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From:again with the lag; I apologize
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From:you're lovely
From:♥!
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