[Of course, 'dating' presents its own set of challenges, namely that Steve was never very good at it and has lost what little practice he had. Also, spending a whole lot of time in public is a bad idea for them. They're pretty recognizable.
Coffee, picnics, and games of tag (or water fights) should work, though.]
Star-spangled boxers. [He returns the smirk, and even if his ear-tips turn pink, he's not too awkward to push his luck a little.] But it's the sock garters that really make the look.
[The two of them aren't exactly normal people. Steve's considered 'unpredictable' — it's the polite word to use these days — and Bucky's a criminal. But this isn't for the public eye anyway, this is for a lazy morning kitchen, for sitting on the counter while Steve mixes up pancakes (and getting in his way), for pouring the coffee when it's done and offering a mug to Steve.
And giving him an obvious once-over, because Bucky can't pass up on the opportunity to make Steve squirm.] Mmm yeah, I could picture it.
[He wouldn't have nearly so many stars-and-stripes boxers if people didn't keep giving them to him as gifts. His preference tends to be plain grey, blue, or black.
He buys his own handkerchiefs and sock garters, though. There's nothing wrong with clinging to some old-fashioned habits.
And having Bucky look him over like that makes a flush of heat ripple over him. He can only hope he's not turning redder. But he leans against the counter and reaches up over his shoulder, getting very close in the process, to get a bag of chocolate chips off one of the shelves.]
You can picture it all you want. There's no charge for lookin'.
[Technically, Steve has been 'unpredictable' since he was a kid. He just hadn't been 'dragged past his mental and emotional limits until he ran out of fucks to give', until recently. But it's nice that someone's out there trying to be tactful, since Steve isn't great at that, himself.]
[At least one set probably came from Bucky, in all honesty. But that’s okay, just another prank between friends and really, Steve’s going to get him back for it. That’s just how they are. And now that “sex ninja” has been laid on the table, Bucky’s half afraid of shape that retaliation might take.
And Steve blushing, just right there at the tips of his ears? That’s familiar, something Bucky’s used to from growing up together, a reaction that clearly hasn’t gone away. But what’s new, what’s different is the way Steve leans close, crowds right into Bucky’s space.
And Bucky thinks he likes it.]
Good. [And maybe it’s too easy to fall into remembered habits but that slow smile, the way lashes sweep over his eyes and up again, the subtle lean toward Steve? It’s all part of a dance he knows too well, flirtation as natural as breathing.] ‘Cause I think I’m gonna do a lot of looking.
[Ninja underwear shouldn't be that hard to find. Ninja turtles are an option, in fact, although that would probably not be sexy.
The look Bucky's giving him seems only to intensify. He remembers that body language, the sweep of lashes, the lazy motions--like he's moving through honey. How many times, when they were young, did Steve daydream about Bucky flirting with him like that, and shut himself down before he could even think about voicing it? Maybe he was misguided. Maybe the kid who never admitted to being afraid of anyone or anything had a little streak of cowardice after all.
But that was then, and this is now, and the regrets may well come spilling out later, but at the moment there are pancakes to cook, so Steve lets himself feel this, lets himself blush a little more, and gives his friend a crooked, but not discouraging, smile.
And then discovers he's abruptly run out of clever banter.]
Um. Yeah? I'm okay with that. [This is why he never got many dates as a young man.] Very okay.
[Please let it be ridiculous ninja turtle underwear because that visuals is just amazing.
But seeing Steve up close like this? Seeing the interest in his expression, the curiosity, the willingness to explore? That’s one of the biggest highs that Bucky has ever felt. And it’d be so easy to push further, he thinks, to push for more, to lean in and draw Steve into something—
And he’s not going to do it. Respects Steve too much, wants to take this slow. Do it right, whatever that means. So a hand just skims along the back of Steve’s palm instead, and Bucky lets his own expression soften.]
After breakfast. [So that he can be sure that it’s something Steve really wants, that Steve’s not just giving in to sudden pressure because Bucky trapped him into leaning close.] I’m gonna do a hell of a lot of looking.
Steve seems a little bit hypnotized for a moment, just watching Bucky's body language and breathing in the scent of him (combined with the smell of pancake batter and coffee), and he's not sure what he's expecting, but it seems like the moment of calm before something big happens.
Except then Bucky backs down, and he's not sure if he's relieved or disappointed, but either way taking it slow is probably safest. Steve smiles at the touch and then moves away to dump chocolate chips in the bowl.]
Can I ask you something dumb? Maybe you don't even remember the answer...but you've got me wondering now, whether you ever looked at me before. Either before Project Rebirth or after, while we were fighting together.
If it's too hard to look back on that right now, don't. I just wondered.
[That smile tells Bucky that he made the right choice, that backing down — as much as he didn't want to — is for the best. At least right now. At least until after breakfast.]
Wouldn't be the first time you asked a dumb question. [He can't help it; ribbing Steve is just part of the Best Friend Code. But the question isn't at all dumb — it's a little complicated, at least in how to word the answer. Bucky stalls by taking a sip of coffee, swiping a few of those chocolate chips from Steve.
That answer, when it comes, is actually pretty simple.]
You know that I never stayed with one dame for too long. Didn't it ever occur to you why?
[After breakfast, Steve is definitely going to attempt to invade Bucky's personal space again. In the nice way.
Steve sees that stall and takes the opportunity to get his own coffee and heat up the griddle, dropping butter in the bottom to melt.]
We were young. [He studies his face, sadness and awe blended in his eyes.] Figured...you just hadn't found the one, yet.
[He doesn't have to ask why Bucky never said anything while they were together in the Howling Commandos. There was a very good reason, and her name was Peggy, and Steve would have most certainly continued to court her after the war, if things had gone that way. His daydreams included a home and family with her, but with Bucky right there, too, maybe next door with a wife of his own, maybe some kids that would play with his and Peggy's kids. Something safe and conventional that wouldn't separate them. Something that probably would have made Steve, at least, very happy.
Man plans, God laughs. Maybe Steve was trying to have his cake and eat it, too, with those fantasies.]
I'm so sorry, Bucky. I shoulda said something when we were teenagers. I was scared of dragging you down, I guess. Or breaking what we had. I could never imagine life without you, though. Didn't want to try.
Young and a little stupid maybe. [And there was the war. Speaking up, saying anything? Wouldn't have changed Bucky shipping out. And it wouldn't have changed what happened to Steve, perhaps. And after? After Steve had eyes only for Peggy and—
And it wasn't a bad thing. Bucky had his own demons to work through anyway, and Steve and Peggy — they worked. They worked and Steve got that soft, goofy smile on his face when he talked about her and that was it, that was the plan: win the war, go home, be Steve's best man.
Really, it had been a good plan.
But right now, right here? This is good too, sitting on the counter and watching Steve form pancakes on the griddle, watching the expressions on his face and the faintest hint of pink that occasionally graces the tips of his ears.]
It wasn't the right time. We both know that. [One foot nudges against the side of Steve's leg, something he deems the safest because, well, hot stove top.] I think it could be a good time now though.
You saying we're not still a little stupid? [Steve can't quite hide the flicker of pain--he's made some tremendous mistakes, of late--but he lets it go a moment later, in light of pancakes and Bucky's touch.
And Bucky's proposition. If anyone can heal the two of them, it's one another, and Steve gives him an unintentionally coy glance in his peripheral vision, smiling awkwardly. Hopefully.]
Can we do it right, then? Flowers, dancing, all that kinda goofy shit? I mean, you can still chase me down with limericks, too. I'll count that as love poetry.
[Normally Bucky would twist that statement into a tease, lick into Steve mercilessly until they're both rolling on the floor with laughter. But it's the look in Steve's eyes that stops him. They're both still a little broken and trying to piece themselves back together. It's not necessarily a comfortable thing, but it's an important one.]
Maybe just a little. [He shrugs though; it's not a bad thing.] Maybe my stupid just needs your stupid.
And we could try, sure. I don't know how much of that I even remember how to do. [Isn't sure that he even wants it anymore, but he's not going to tell Steve something that he's having trouble reconciling himself. No, it's something he's got to dig into in terms of the whys, see if it's tied up in memories or the reality of his existence. It's not a struggle Steve needs to see, at least not yet — not until Bucky can explain it a little better.] But if you keep looking at me like that, I'm gonna have a hard time waiting until after breakfast to kiss you.
Our stupids compliment one another? I believe that. [The tension flees away again, and his smile goes from awkward to soft and warm.
Steve worries his lip, considering, without any particular concern that that gesture will make Bucky more inclined to kiss him. (Would that be a bad thing? The pancakes might burn.)]
Well, I never did learn to dance. And I'm not expecting to pretend we just stepped back in time or anything like that. Just let me try to be sweet here and there without laughing at me, okay? [Because flowers will probably be a thing before too long. Anything fancier than that can wait. Flowers, sharing a beer, and making out on the fire escape sound like a fair balance to Steve.]
Wanna know what's even scarier? Our smarts compliment each other too. That's downright terrifying.
[There's the smile again though, the one Bucky just wants to lean a little closer to — especially when Steve chews on his own lip a moment later. His eyes are drawn right to the sight and he can't help that his tongue flicks out to wet his own lips in response. Steve really is just that attractive, and a lot of it is tied up into how he doesn't seem to even realize it. It's just natural in the way he moves — or perhaps it's more that he moves this naturally around Bucky. Bucky isn't sure which it actually is but he's most certainly not complaining either way.
And really, it's the practicality of burned food and the inevitable cleanup that would follow that are keeping him behaving right now. Well, for the most part.]
Hey, have I ever laughed at you when it's counted? [Laughed with Steve certainly, out of mutual enjoyment and happiness. Laughed at him? There's a difference.] You do sweet and I'll be wicked and we'll meet in the middle?
(sorry for the lag; got sick and fell behind on tags)
We have smarts? [He laughs and drops batter into the pan. There's a brief crackle as it hits the hot surface and spreads, and then the chocolate chips start to melt and make the sweet smell in the room even sweeter.]
You suppose we fit like that because we grew up so close, or is it just who we are? Maybe a little of both? [Steve has no idea whether he's attractive, or what his exact appeal is. He used to think it was the bulk and strength, and maybe for some people it is, but he's come to understand that attraction is far more individualized than that. And if Bucky had eyes for him before the serum...well, who knows what drew him then, other than familiarity?
Bucky was always beautiful, though. He had that poise and cockyness that Steve tried in vain to imitate, full lips and steely eyes, and he looked like trouble--the fun kind of trouble--until he smiled, and then he looked like an angel visiting Brooklyn on holiday. Steve was the reverse; he always looked innocent and vulnerable until he cracked a grin, and then he looked like the cat that caught the canary.
The truth was that they were both trouble, of course, and still are, so when Bucky suggests he'll be the wicked one, Steve isn't surprised.]
I like that. That'll take some of the pressure to be wicked off of me. [He flips the pancake and reaches for his coffee, then changes his mind and rests his hand on Bucky's knee instead.]
(no apologies needed! i hope you're feeling better and i'm totally okay with slow tags, seriously)
You've got a smart mouth. [It's an automatic reply, one that comes with a twist of a smirk, the one that means there's some Bucky-esque wickedness incoming.] Maybe after breakfast I'll show you how smart my mouth can be.
[If his expression is anything to go by, he's fully expecting the statement to give Steve a wicked blush and maybe even some stammering. But there's also a serious question in there, one that makes his expression soften a little bit as he considers it.]
I think a bit of both, honestly. I mean, we've always just fit together, haven't we? [Sure, maybe not like this, not with the flirting and the lingering looks and little touches. But they have always fit right at each other's side from the very beginning, and it's always had less to do with Steve's appearance and more to do with his heart. Bucky's never met anyone like Steve, and he doesn't think he ever will. He's one of a kind for sure and Bucky thinks that this relationship, this whatever-it-is that they're tentatively building, is going to be pretty special too.
Steve's touch is welcomed, Bucky's leg shifting just a little bit closer to Steve. He wouldn't mind exploring a little bit more how they can touch, but it's going to wait until there's no hot stove to mind.]
Just wanna ease your workload a little. I know you overextend yourself. [Fingertips brush over the back of Steve's hand, feeling the structure of the bones under smooth skin.] We're in this together, remember?
['Smart mouth' is a fair assessment, and Steve is about to say so, but Bucky's flirt catches him before he can respond, so all that comes out is a faint noise like the start of a word, then a huff of air. Steve rewards that wickedness with a grin, and quite a bit of a blush, and can't think of a good response. Instead, he basks in his own awkwardness for a moment.
He's not quite the stumbling ingenue he was when he was in his twenties, but for an old soldier, he's pretty inexperienced. Even if he wasn't, Bucky would still be able to throw him off his game, just by being Bucky.]
Guess we have. I remember being a little jealous of you here and there, but never enough to want to push you away. [He watches Bucky's fingertips on his skin, and something deep in his chest is shivering with want.
It can wait. They have time now, enough time not to rush.]
Maybe because I mostly just wanted to be worthy of you. [Which is a weird way to put it, maybe, like somewhere in his head Steve thought he was some kind of knight with a chivalric bond to his best friend.]
I overextend myself? You mean, with being trouble? [He's not sure if Bucky's teasing him again or if he's speaking more seriously this time. Either way would be absolutely valid, but there's something more alluring about the kinder interpretation. Steve doesn't need to be coddled (at least, he doesn't think he does), and he's comfortable with the idea that he's always going to have more duty than time to do it in, but Bucky is good at finding ways to care for him, even when he puts up a fuss about it.]
Wouldn't have it any other way. [He says softly, and bumps their foreheads together gently.]
[The blush, he's quickly deciding, is a good look for Steve, a rush of color in fair skin. He likes it, likes how readily it comes to the surface, likes that he even can make Steve blush. It's endearing.]
Jealous of me? [It makes him chuckle, albeit not unkindly. Bucky can honestly see where it comes from, given their situations growing up: him with constant dates, Steve with constant potential to be left behind. But Bucky had never wanted to leave him, never meant to leave him, and wouldn't have left him at all save for the war. It had changed a lot of things in their lives, but it had also brought them a hell of a lot closer in the aftermath. He hated that they'd ever needed to fight, hated that the Nazi movement had ever even been a thing to begin with, but Bucky wouldn't give up the camaraderie that they'd had with the Commandos, the brotherhood that he shared with Steve. It's more precious to him than anything else.]
Steve. [He waits for a moment, to see if the other man will look up.] You're a lot of things to me, but unworthy was never one of them. Okay?
[No, Steve had always been the best friend, the complementary puzzle piece, the platonic other half. The constant in Bucky's life. To think he could be even more than that, its—
He honestly doesn't have the words for it. But he wants to find them out, too.]
Being trouble, finding trouble, all of it. Someone's gotta watch your back. [He almost says that it's not a bad view to have, but Steve's leaning close and Bucky lets the tease go in favor of this quiet little moment instead. His eyes flicker closed for the space of a breath, simply enjoying it.]
Hey. Let that one burn, okay? [The pancake he means, because he's curving a hand to Steve's cheek and leaning in to brush a kiss across his mouth.]
[Maybe it's the Irish blood in Steve that makes him show a blush so well. He was just as bad about it before the serum, if not worse. You'd think his anemia would have curtailed it, but no.
He means jealous in both the possessive sense and the envious one. Bucky was as poor as Steve, growing up, but he was also able-bodied, good-looking, and ridiculously charming. He was the protagonist of a classic romantic comedy, ready to go out into the world and find his fortune, and Steve was the minor character, the awkward best friend. Then their roles turned around abruptly during the war, with Steve suddenly strong and vibrant thanks to the serum, and Bucky half-haunted by his experience at Hydra's hands. (But they were still the same people and still needed one another).
Maybe it was inevitable that they should be pulled together this way, but it couldn't happen until they were both in the same place. He looks up when Bucky speaks his name, and he knows he's speaking the truth.]
I figured that's the kind of thing you'd say. Don't know what you ever saw in me, but I'd be an idiot to question it.
[His returning smile is warm and bright, and sure, screw the pancake. Steve will eat it burnt anyway, if Bucky won't. He tilts his head into the touch with a shiver and half-collapses into the kiss, silent but needy for it.]
[Maybe it always was inevitable that they'd end up together, some sort of cosmic fate that insisted they be put in the same place, and in a place that they could be together. Maybe Steve had needed to put that plane down in the water for more than one reason. Maybe Bucky had needed—
No. He's not going to bring thoughts of HYDRA into this. They're here, they're together, and they're exploring what that togetherness could potentially be. That's what's important.]
You're an idiot, but you're my idiot.
[Steve will surely be able to feel the smile that curls against his lips and Bucky can't help but turn one kiss into two, lingering as they figure out how their mouths fit together. It's easy to lose track of time and he'd stay here, just like this, just to keep doing this. But the smell of burning pancake and chocolate does interject its presence into their lingering and when Bucky breaks away it's with a laugh.]
Okay, too much burning! [Could pancakes even catch fire while cooking? He doesn't want to find out.] But we can do a hell of a lot more kissing after they're done.
[He meant it when he said he couldn't imagine life without Bucky. As badly as he wanted to come back to Peggy, maybe he would have tried a little harder to land the Valkyrie if he'd realized he was still alive somewhere. Maybe he would have failed, anyway.
It would be okay, in Steve's mind, to say his own journey was worth it. Bucky's, though--he can't even think about that. He pulls him closer, arms around his waist, and if he's just going to keep kissing him, Steve isn't going to object.
He looks a little mesmerized when they break off, and it takes his brain a second to catch up with what might be burning.
Oh, right! Breakfast! He scrambles to remove the singed batter from the pan, and turns the heat down.] Aw, you won't even taste the burned part if you cover it with enough syrup.
[He's still red, and lets out a huff of air that's forceful enough to blow a couple stray strands of hair off his forehead.] Breakfast, then kissing. I like this plan.
[His own appetite has flown out the window abruptly, but he promised pancakes and he will deliver.]
[This is nice, sitting on the counter, kissing Steve, leaning closer while arms snake around his waist. It’s all nice, much nicer than it probably has a right to be. Much nicer than Bucky knows he deserves. Much nicer than he should want. But he can’t help wanting Steve, wanting this closeness and wanting to explore what it can become.
And if it’s more mornings like this with silly poetry and burnt breakfast, he will happily take every second of it, just to see Steve’s smile. Oh, and his scramble to deal with the burnt bits is pretty funny too!]
We can split that one and do a taste test. [Okay that makes no sense at all but he doesn’t even care.] Unless you want to just refrigerate the batter for later and go right to the kissing now.
[Bucky feels broader and more solid in his arms than he expected. There's muscle memory, maybe, from when they were boys and both smaller, with less muscle layered onto them. Steve's change was more drastic, maybe, and sudden, but Bucky is certainly bigger. Funny how he should notice the shape of that change against him as 'bigger than expected' rather than equate it with the size comparison from when they were young and feel like he seems smaller.
At least they're finally about the same height. That's way more convenient for kissing.
Steve grins, putting the burnt pancake on a plate and cutting it in half with the spatula.] Go for it.
And no, I'm not refrigerating the batter. [No matter how much he suddenly would rather be making out.] I'll make the pancakes up and if we're more interested in kissing then, we can refrigerate them and microwave them later.
[Because then he will at least have fulfilled his offer to make pancakes. If Bucky chooses then not to eat them right away, that's not Steve's fault.]
[Hugging Steve like this is kind of strange too. It almost reminds him of their youth, except now the difference in their height is from Bucky sitting on the counter, not from their genetics. And Steve's certainly broader and more solid; he doesn't fit in Bucky's arms the way he used to for the few hugs they had shared. But he likes it. He likes it a whole lot, likes knowing that Steve isn't going to break, that he's not going to hurt Steve with an accidental grab.]
You know that the way to my heart is through burnt breakfast foods, right? [Hey, it wouldn't be Bucky is there isn't at least a little teasing!
He leans away from Steve in order to reach for the drawer with the cutlery; the action causes his shirt to ride up just a little at the side. But he's sitting up again in a moment anyway, a pair of forks clutched victoriously in his hand. Winning!
And the pancake? Most definitely burnt, but there are worse things in life. He snags another bite and offers it to Steve off the fork.]
Your dedication to breakfast is inspiring. Did they have you make a nutrition video? [Those PSAs had been an absolute delight to find out about, and had left Bucky in tears from the laughter the first time he watched them. Still, he only ever brings them up when they're in private like this, because he knows it's likely to embarrass his friend.
Boyfriend? They'd have to figure that out.] Steve, I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm probably going to be more interested in kissing you than in just about anything else. Just saying.
Is that so? [Steve gets the syrup out of the fridge and sets it by the plate.] Burnt ones, specifically?
[His mouth goes dry when Bucky leans over and inadvertently exposes his side. It's not much, but it's enough for Steve to see scars and muscle, more than enough to make him imagine running his fingers down that exposed skin.
Oof. Yeah, he's definitely not going to be eating much before they fall into making out. There's a little ache in his chest, like his body is rebelling against being pulled away from Bucky's so soon.
When offered the bite of pancake, Steve can feel the blush creep down his neck, but he leans in and takes it, anyway, halfway between laughter and lust. But of course Bucky has to harass him, too, and--that's okay right now. He rolls his eyes, mildly pained, but manages to chew and swallow the bite of food before answering:] Three of 'em, but I don't know if they ever edited the clips into anything. There's a lot of terrible footage of me out there somewhere.
[Which is embarrassing, but no more so than the theatrics of his USO days. As long as Bucky doesn't tease him too much in front of the other Avengers, it's all right.
He raises an eyebrow then, studying Bucky's expression, and damn but it's gratifying to see an echo of what he's feeling there. He thought they were going to play it safe, take it slow, but it feels like now that they've crossed the barrier this far, they can't stop.]
...well, we ate one of them. [His voice crackles a little.] That's a start, right? I guess we could just...finish up later?
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[Of course, 'dating' presents its own set of challenges, namely that Steve was never very good at it and has lost what little practice he had. Also, spending a whole lot of time in public is a bad idea for them. They're pretty recognizable.
Coffee, picnics, and games of tag (or water fights) should work, though.]
Star-spangled boxers. [He returns the smirk, and even if his ear-tips turn pink, he's not too awkward to push his luck a little.] But it's the sock garters that really make the look.
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And giving him an obvious once-over, because Bucky can't pass up on the opportunity to make Steve squirm.] Mmm yeah, I could picture it.
[He winks.] Garters and all.
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He buys his own handkerchiefs and sock garters, though. There's nothing wrong with clinging to some old-fashioned habits.
And having Bucky look him over like that makes a flush of heat ripple over him. He can only hope he's not turning redder. But he leans against the counter and reaches up over his shoulder, getting very close in the process, to get a bag of chocolate chips off one of the shelves.]
You can picture it all you want. There's no charge for lookin'.
[Technically, Steve has been 'unpredictable' since he was a kid. He just hadn't been 'dragged past his mental and emotional limits until he ran out of fucks to give', until recently. But it's nice that someone's out there trying to be tactful, since Steve isn't great at that, himself.]
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And Steve blushing, just right there at the tips of his ears? That’s familiar, something Bucky’s used to from growing up together, a reaction that clearly hasn’t gone away. But what’s new, what’s different is the way Steve leans close, crowds right into Bucky’s space.
And Bucky thinks he likes it.]
Good. [And maybe it’s too easy to fall into remembered habits but that slow smile, the way lashes sweep over his eyes and up again, the subtle lean toward Steve? It’s all part of a dance he knows too well, flirtation as natural as breathing.] ‘Cause I think I’m gonna do a lot of looking.
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The look Bucky's giving him seems only to intensify. He remembers that body language, the sweep of lashes, the lazy motions--like he's moving through honey. How many times, when they were young, did Steve daydream about Bucky flirting with him like that, and shut himself down before he could even think about voicing it? Maybe he was misguided. Maybe the kid who never admitted to being afraid of anyone or anything had a little streak of cowardice after all.
But that was then, and this is now, and the regrets may well come spilling out later, but at the moment there are pancakes to cook, so Steve lets himself feel this, lets himself blush a little more, and gives his friend a crooked, but not discouraging, smile.
And then discovers he's abruptly run out of clever banter.]
Um. Yeah? I'm okay with that. [This is why he never got many dates as a young man.] Very okay.
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But seeing Steve up close like this? Seeing the interest in his expression, the curiosity, the willingness to explore? That’s one of the biggest highs that Bucky has ever felt. And it’d be so easy to push further, he thinks, to push for more, to lean in and draw Steve into something—
And he’s not going to do it. Respects Steve too much, wants to take this slow. Do it right, whatever that means. So a hand just skims along the back of Steve’s palm instead, and Bucky lets his own expression soften.]
After breakfast. [So that he can be sure that it’s something Steve really wants, that Steve’s not just giving in to sudden pressure because Bucky trapped him into leaning close.] I’m gonna do a hell of a lot of looking.
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Steve seems a little bit hypnotized for a moment, just watching Bucky's body language and breathing in the scent of him (combined with the smell of pancake batter and coffee), and he's not sure what he's expecting, but it seems like the moment of calm before something big happens.
Except then Bucky backs down, and he's not sure if he's relieved or disappointed, but either way taking it slow is probably safest. Steve smiles at the touch and then moves away to dump chocolate chips in the bowl.]
Can I ask you something dumb? Maybe you don't even remember the answer...but you've got me wondering now, whether you ever looked at me before. Either before Project Rebirth or after, while we were fighting together.
If it's too hard to look back on that right now, don't. I just wondered.
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Wouldn't be the first time you asked a dumb question. [He can't help it; ribbing Steve is just part of the Best Friend Code. But the question isn't at all dumb — it's a little complicated, at least in how to word the answer. Bucky stalls by taking a sip of coffee, swiping a few of those chocolate chips from Steve.
That answer, when it comes, is actually pretty simple.]
You know that I never stayed with one dame for too long. Didn't it ever occur to you why?
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Steve sees that stall and takes the opportunity to get his own coffee and heat up the griddle, dropping butter in the bottom to melt.]
We were young. [He studies his face, sadness and awe blended in his eyes.] Figured...you just hadn't found the one, yet.
[He doesn't have to ask why Bucky never said anything while they were together in the Howling Commandos. There was a very good reason, and her name was Peggy, and Steve would have most certainly continued to court her after the war, if things had gone that way. His daydreams included a home and family with her, but with Bucky right there, too, maybe next door with a wife of his own, maybe some kids that would play with his and Peggy's kids. Something safe and conventional that wouldn't separate them. Something that probably would have made Steve, at least, very happy.
Man plans, God laughs. Maybe Steve was trying to have his cake and eat it, too, with those fantasies.]
I'm so sorry, Bucky. I shoulda said something when we were teenagers. I was scared of dragging you down, I guess. Or breaking what we had. I could never imagine life without you, though. Didn't want to try.
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And it wasn't a bad thing. Bucky had his own demons to work through anyway, and Steve and Peggy — they worked. They worked and Steve got that soft, goofy smile on his face when he talked about her and that was it, that was the plan: win the war, go home, be Steve's best man.
Really, it had been a good plan.
But right now, right here? This is good too, sitting on the counter and watching Steve form pancakes on the griddle, watching the expressions on his face and the faintest hint of pink that occasionally graces the tips of his ears.]
It wasn't the right time. We both know that. [One foot nudges against the side of Steve's leg, something he deems the safest because, well, hot stove top.] I think it could be a good time now though.
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And Bucky's proposition. If anyone can heal the two of them, it's one another, and Steve gives him an unintentionally coy glance in his peripheral vision, smiling awkwardly. Hopefully.]
Can we do it right, then? Flowers, dancing, all that kinda goofy shit? I mean, you can still chase me down with limericks, too. I'll count that as love poetry.
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Maybe just a little. [He shrugs though; it's not a bad thing.] Maybe my stupid just needs your stupid.
And we could try, sure. I don't know how much of that I even remember how to do. [Isn't sure that he even wants it anymore, but he's not going to tell Steve something that he's having trouble reconciling himself. No, it's something he's got to dig into in terms of the whys, see if it's tied up in memories or the reality of his existence. It's not a struggle Steve needs to see, at least not yet — not until Bucky can explain it a little better.] But if you keep looking at me like that, I'm gonna have a hard time waiting until after breakfast to kiss you.
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Steve worries his lip, considering, without any particular concern that that gesture will make Bucky more inclined to kiss him. (Would that be a bad thing? The pancakes might burn.)]
Well, I never did learn to dance. And I'm not expecting to pretend we just stepped back in time or anything like that. Just let me try to be sweet here and there without laughing at me, okay? [Because flowers will probably be a thing before too long. Anything fancier than that can wait. Flowers, sharing a beer, and making out on the fire escape sound like a fair balance to Steve.]
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[There's the smile again though, the one Bucky just wants to lean a little closer to — especially when Steve chews on his own lip a moment later. His eyes are drawn right to the sight and he can't help that his tongue flicks out to wet his own lips in response. Steve really is just that attractive, and a lot of it is tied up into how he doesn't seem to even realize it. It's just natural in the way he moves — or perhaps it's more that he moves this naturally around Bucky. Bucky isn't sure which it actually is but he's most certainly not complaining either way.
And really, it's the practicality of burned food and the inevitable cleanup that would follow that are keeping him behaving right now. Well, for the most part.]
Hey, have I ever laughed at you when it's counted? [Laughed with Steve certainly, out of mutual enjoyment and happiness. Laughed at him? There's a difference.] You do sweet and I'll be wicked and we'll meet in the middle?
(sorry for the lag; got sick and fell behind on tags)
You suppose we fit like that because we grew up so close, or is it just who we are? Maybe a little of both? [Steve has no idea whether he's attractive, or what his exact appeal is. He used to think it was the bulk and strength, and maybe for some people it is, but he's come to understand that attraction is far more individualized than that. And if Bucky had eyes for him before the serum...well, who knows what drew him then, other than familiarity?
Bucky was always beautiful, though. He had that poise and cockyness that Steve tried in vain to imitate, full lips and steely eyes, and he looked like trouble--the fun kind of trouble--until he smiled, and then he looked like an angel visiting Brooklyn on holiday. Steve was the reverse; he always looked innocent and vulnerable until he cracked a grin, and then he looked like the cat that caught the canary.
The truth was that they were both trouble, of course, and still are, so when Bucky suggests he'll be the wicked one, Steve isn't surprised.]
I like that. That'll take some of the pressure to be wicked off of me. [He flips the pancake and reaches for his coffee, then changes his mind and rests his hand on Bucky's knee instead.]
(no apologies needed! i hope you're feeling better and i'm totally okay with slow tags, seriously)
[If his expression is anything to go by, he's fully expecting the statement to give Steve a wicked blush and maybe even some stammering. But there's also a serious question in there, one that makes his expression soften a little bit as he considers it.]
I think a bit of both, honestly. I mean, we've always just fit together, haven't we? [Sure, maybe not like this, not with the flirting and the lingering looks and little touches. But they have always fit right at each other's side from the very beginning, and it's always had less to do with Steve's appearance and more to do with his heart. Bucky's never met anyone like Steve, and he doesn't think he ever will. He's one of a kind for sure and Bucky thinks that this relationship, this whatever-it-is that they're tentatively building, is going to be pretty special too.
Steve's touch is welcomed, Bucky's leg shifting just a little bit closer to Steve. He wouldn't mind exploring a little bit more how they can touch, but it's going to wait until there's no hot stove to mind.]
Just wanna ease your workload a little. I know you overextend yourself. [Fingertips brush over the back of Steve's hand, feeling the structure of the bones under smooth skin.] We're in this together, remember?
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He's not quite the stumbling ingenue he was when he was in his twenties, but for an old soldier, he's pretty inexperienced. Even if he wasn't, Bucky would still be able to throw him off his game, just by being Bucky.]
Guess we have. I remember being a little jealous of you here and there, but never enough to want to push you away. [He watches Bucky's fingertips on his skin, and something deep in his chest is shivering with want.
It can wait. They have time now, enough time not to rush.]
Maybe because I mostly just wanted to be worthy of you. [Which is a weird way to put it, maybe, like somewhere in his head Steve thought he was some kind of knight with a chivalric bond to his best friend.]
I overextend myself? You mean, with being trouble? [He's not sure if Bucky's teasing him again or if he's speaking more seriously this time. Either way would be absolutely valid, but there's something more alluring about the kinder interpretation. Steve doesn't need to be coddled (at least, he doesn't think he does), and he's comfortable with the idea that he's always going to have more duty than time to do it in, but Bucky is good at finding ways to care for him, even when he puts up a fuss about it.]
Wouldn't have it any other way. [He says softly, and bumps their foreheads together gently.]
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Jealous of me? [It makes him chuckle, albeit not unkindly. Bucky can honestly see where it comes from, given their situations growing up: him with constant dates, Steve with constant potential to be left behind. But Bucky had never wanted to leave him, never meant to leave him, and wouldn't have left him at all save for the war. It had changed a lot of things in their lives, but it had also brought them a hell of a lot closer in the aftermath. He hated that they'd ever needed to fight, hated that the Nazi movement had ever even been a thing to begin with, but Bucky wouldn't give up the camaraderie that they'd had with the Commandos, the brotherhood that he shared with Steve. It's more precious to him than anything else.]
Steve. [He waits for a moment, to see if the other man will look up.] You're a lot of things to me, but unworthy was never one of them. Okay?
[No, Steve had always been the best friend, the complementary puzzle piece, the platonic other half. The constant in Bucky's life. To think he could be even more than that, its—
He honestly doesn't have the words for it. But he wants to find them out, too.]
Being trouble, finding trouble, all of it. Someone's gotta watch your back. [He almost says that it's not a bad view to have, but Steve's leaning close and Bucky lets the tease go in favor of this quiet little moment instead. His eyes flicker closed for the space of a breath, simply enjoying it.]
Hey. Let that one burn, okay? [The pancake he means, because he's curving a hand to Steve's cheek and leaning in to brush a kiss across his mouth.]
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He means jealous in both the possessive sense and the envious one. Bucky was as poor as Steve, growing up, but he was also able-bodied, good-looking, and ridiculously charming. He was the protagonist of a classic romantic comedy, ready to go out into the world and find his fortune, and Steve was the minor character, the awkward best friend. Then their roles turned around abruptly during the war, with Steve suddenly strong and vibrant thanks to the serum, and Bucky half-haunted by his experience at Hydra's hands. (But they were still the same people and still needed one another).
Maybe it was inevitable that they should be pulled together this way, but it couldn't happen until they were both in the same place. He looks up when Bucky speaks his name, and he knows he's speaking the truth.]
I figured that's the kind of thing you'd say. Don't know what you ever saw in me, but I'd be an idiot to question it.
[His returning smile is warm and bright, and sure, screw the pancake. Steve will eat it burnt anyway, if Bucky won't. He tilts his head into the touch with a shiver and half-collapses into the kiss, silent but needy for it.]
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No. He's not going to bring thoughts of HYDRA into this. They're here, they're together, and they're exploring what that togetherness could potentially be. That's what's important.]
You're an idiot, but you're my idiot.
[Steve will surely be able to feel the smile that curls against his lips and Bucky can't help but turn one kiss into two, lingering as they figure out how their mouths fit together. It's easy to lose track of time and he'd stay here, just like this, just to keep doing this. But the smell of burning pancake and chocolate does interject its presence into their lingering and when Bucky breaks away it's with a laugh.]
Okay, too much burning! [Could pancakes even catch fire while cooking? He doesn't want to find out.] But we can do a hell of a lot more kissing after they're done.
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It would be okay, in Steve's mind, to say his own journey was worth it. Bucky's, though--he can't even think about that. He pulls him closer, arms around his waist, and if he's just going to keep kissing him, Steve isn't going to object.
He looks a little mesmerized when they break off, and it takes his brain a second to catch up with what might be burning.
Oh, right! Breakfast! He scrambles to remove the singed batter from the pan, and turns the heat down.] Aw, you won't even taste the burned part if you cover it with enough syrup.
[He's still red, and lets out a huff of air that's forceful enough to blow a couple stray strands of hair off his forehead.] Breakfast, then kissing. I like this plan.
[His own appetite has flown out the window abruptly, but he promised pancakes and he will deliver.]
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And if it’s more mornings like this with silly poetry and burnt breakfast, he will happily take every second of it, just to see Steve’s smile. Oh, and his scramble to deal with the burnt bits is pretty funny too!]
We can split that one and do a taste test. [Okay that makes no sense at all but he doesn’t even care.] Unless you want to just refrigerate the batter for later and go right to the kissing now.
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At least they're finally about the same height. That's way more convenient for kissing.
Steve grins, putting the burnt pancake on a plate and cutting it in half with the spatula.] Go for it.
And no, I'm not refrigerating the batter. [No matter how much he suddenly would rather be making out.] I'll make the pancakes up and if we're more interested in kissing then, we can refrigerate them and microwave them later.
[Because then he will at least have fulfilled his offer to make pancakes. If Bucky chooses then not to eat them right away, that's not Steve's fault.]
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You know that the way to my heart is through burnt breakfast foods, right? [Hey, it wouldn't be Bucky is there isn't at least a little teasing!
He leans away from Steve in order to reach for the drawer with the cutlery; the action causes his shirt to ride up just a little at the side. But he's sitting up again in a moment anyway, a pair of forks clutched victoriously in his hand. Winning!
And the pancake? Most definitely burnt, but there are worse things in life. He snags another bite and offers it to Steve off the fork.]
Your dedication to breakfast is inspiring. Did they have you make a nutrition video? [Those PSAs had been an absolute delight to find out about, and had left Bucky in tears from the laughter the first time he watched them. Still, he only ever brings them up when they're in private like this, because he knows it's likely to embarrass his friend.
Boyfriend? They'd have to figure that out.] Steve, I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm probably going to be more interested in kissing you than in just about anything else. Just saying.
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[His mouth goes dry when Bucky leans over and inadvertently exposes his side. It's not much, but it's enough for Steve to see scars and muscle, more than enough to make him imagine running his fingers down that exposed skin.
Oof. Yeah, he's definitely not going to be eating much before they fall into making out. There's a little ache in his chest, like his body is rebelling against being pulled away from Bucky's so soon.
When offered the bite of pancake, Steve can feel the blush creep down his neck, but he leans in and takes it, anyway, halfway between laughter and lust. But of course Bucky has to harass him, too, and--that's okay right now. He rolls his eyes, mildly pained, but manages to chew and swallow the bite of food before answering:] Three of 'em, but I don't know if they ever edited the clips into anything. There's a lot of terrible footage of me out there somewhere.
[Which is embarrassing, but no more so than the theatrics of his USO days. As long as Bucky doesn't tease him too much in front of the other Avengers, it's all right.
He raises an eyebrow then, studying Bucky's expression, and damn but it's gratifying to see an echo of what he's feeling there. He thought they were going to play it safe, take it slow, but it feels like now that they've crossed the barrier this far, they can't stop.]
...well, we ate one of them. [His voice crackles a little.] That's a start, right? I guess we could just...finish up later?
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"upstairs brain" and "downstairs brain" is the greatest thing i have read all day
haha, thank you!
♥!
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again with the lag; I apologize
no worries at all, seriously! I don't mind waiting for you
you're lovely
♥!
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