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shieldborneGod's righteous man, Ultron had mocked to his face a few years back. Pretending you could live without a war. Steve had to acknowledge he wasn't wrong. The vision Wanda pulled out of his head, it wasn't wrong either. He is half strung-out, bone-weary, combat fatigue personified. Half of him wants to go home.
The other half? Will never be able to stop fighting, because that means having to face what's left.
Visiting the Nexus has only driven that point home, in some ways. No matter how much people encourage him to expand his horizons, take time to relax and recover, to be Steve Rogers, he's restless and adrift there, friendly with everyone but not, in the end, all that close to any. But there is one idea that's caught at him relentlessly since his arrival there, and that's the inescapable visual of kids fighting wars.
Most of them probably don't see it that way. Friendly neighborhood Spider-Men, just doing what they can, what they innocently assume any good person would do. Every time he thinks about that, it hurts. And he has plenty to do in his own world, collecting the proliferating alien weaponry across the planet, breaking up and hunting down remnants of HYDRA, and ducking the law. But here there's an opportunity for something more, something gentler, something that's not fighting and might, in the long term, keep people from ending up in the psychological catch-22 he's gotten himself into.
There's no Nexus real estate office, but there are people who have a clear idea of what land and buildings can be claimed and what can be done with them. Steve has somehow, through funds scraped together, favors called in, and contacts made, become the proud owner of what was once some kind of diner or restaurant. The building is a decent size, two floors, with a lot of the appliances and furnishings still inside it and still working. Including a jukebox, which is what he's looking at right now, outside the front of the building. He's got most of it taken apart and spread neatly on blankets on the grass, and he's methodically cleaning it bit by bit.
The long term plan is a safe house he can set up for the costumed-hero types here that have nowhere else to go if something goes wrong. The kids, specifically. He won't be able to be here all the time, himself, but he can put it together and give what he can. Fill it up with food and medical supplies, maybe put in some bunks, some security--
Well, the plans are still evolving, but it's something.
The other half? Will never be able to stop fighting, because that means having to face what's left.
Visiting the Nexus has only driven that point home, in some ways. No matter how much people encourage him to expand his horizons, take time to relax and recover, to be Steve Rogers, he's restless and adrift there, friendly with everyone but not, in the end, all that close to any. But there is one idea that's caught at him relentlessly since his arrival there, and that's the inescapable visual of kids fighting wars.
Most of them probably don't see it that way. Friendly neighborhood Spider-Men, just doing what they can, what they innocently assume any good person would do. Every time he thinks about that, it hurts. And he has plenty to do in his own world, collecting the proliferating alien weaponry across the planet, breaking up and hunting down remnants of HYDRA, and ducking the law. But here there's an opportunity for something more, something gentler, something that's not fighting and might, in the long term, keep people from ending up in the psychological catch-22 he's gotten himself into.
There's no Nexus real estate office, but there are people who have a clear idea of what land and buildings can be claimed and what can be done with them. Steve has somehow, through funds scraped together, favors called in, and contacts made, become the proud owner of what was once some kind of diner or restaurant. The building is a decent size, two floors, with a lot of the appliances and furnishings still inside it and still working. Including a jukebox, which is what he's looking at right now, outside the front of the building. He's got most of it taken apart and spread neatly on blankets on the grass, and he's methodically cleaning it bit by bit.
The long term plan is a safe house he can set up for the costumed-hero types here that have nowhere else to go if something goes wrong. The kids, specifically. He won't be able to be here all the time, himself, but he can put it together and give what he can. Fill it up with food and medical supplies, maybe put in some bunks, some security--
Well, the plans are still evolving, but it's something.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-17 11:57 pm (UTC)He gives her a strange, sad, gentle smile. "I'm not the arbiter of who does and doesn't deserve to be given a second chance or anything. And you're right, there's a lot of danger, I admit it and I'll take it under advisement. That's the best I can do, Nat. Okay?"
He gets up and steps closer to get a look at the guy and gives a little grimace. Maybe it's a bad photo but there's something unsettling about that expression. "Duly noted. What's the matter with him?"
He half hopes this means she's willing to pass along intel about long-term Nexus residents and visitors. He could use it, but he's not about to ask, because she's got more than enough to do these days.
He folds his arms across his chest, listening to her assessment of his alternate, and Steve--he's relatively self-aware. He knows he's distancing himself from his work and friends on his own world. That's part of what this is about, too. Only part, but still.
"Doesn't sound all that different," he says quietly. "Except for the memory part. I can't forget a goddamn thing, and I know it's all real. You worried at all?"
no subject
Date: 2018-12-19 02:56 pm (UTC)Badly, at times, but it's Steve's call and his choice to make. With kids who don't know any better on the line, she felt a bit more pressure to speak up. She's glad too that Steve seems to take her opinion of the matter as fact when it comes to a certain Mr. Washington.
"Hell if I know. Mental illness of some variety, untreated and unmedicated. Somehow convinces people he doesn't need help. It's all well and good until the next time he snaps and does to the people here what he did to his friends that lead to him being in the Nexus in the first place."
She paces while she talks, expression dark.
"He's psychologically tortured kids, nearly gotten everyone he knows killed, associated with a known serial killer in the Nexus, and is so unstable his own psyche has birthed a separate entity in the Nexus known as Dr. Hill who has been responsible for a huge majority of the curses that affect people in the Nexus. He's a danger to himself and others and its only a matter of time before he hurts someone else."
She looks up again and shakes her head.
"No one wants to hear that though. I helped one of his friends get back home, away from him. When they were stuck here. His name's Joshua Washington, and if the bastard would go anywhere aside form the Nexus I'd have already gotten him locked up somewhere." Committed even. It's what he needs. Definitely what he deserves.
On the subject of her Steve though? Nat settles down again.
"I think he's just got too much to remember, and time travel fucks it all up. Sam and I are worried, but there's not much we can do. You should know how stubborn he is about it."
no subject
Date: 2018-12-26 01:23 pm (UTC)He trails off to let her talk, watching her body language. She paces, and that's not her usual M.O.; this guy has her legit worried, apparently. "I mean," he says gently, "mental illness isn't necessarily his fault, but--"
Yeah, the rest of that is a bouquet of red flags. He nods. "I'm gonna take your word on that. If he's hungry I'll probably give him a snack, but I'll make sure he's on the no-fly list."
It's going to have to be on the honor of the kids he's given a key to, whether they let anyone in here or not, but the few he's spoken to so far seem like they'd be willing to listen to him and Natasha both.
"Any version of Loki is on there, too," he adds. "Of course. The young one seems relatively well-meaning, but I know better than to take that chance."
He'll be kind to him, but he's not going to invite him in.
Of his alternate, he gives a helpless shrug. "Well if he won't listen to you there's no reason he'd listen to me, but maybe I can make him feel less fucked-up in comparison. I'll do whatever I can."
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 06:08 pm (UTC)This is different.
This is the same earnest honesty that the papers love and Steve swears he isn't when he's feeling particularly bitter toward himself. Natasha nods.
"That's why you have me around. Pays to have a different set of skills on hand." She knows he values her. Whether he should or not Natasha's never sure she'll see eye to eye with him. If the tables were turned and it was up to her to save Steve, he'd trust her to do it.
Would she? Even if she has already? It's difficult to know where she'll fall one day to the next.
"Good." Seems that much has gotten through to him at least. And doubly good that no Lokis are welcome here. That's the best news she's heard all day.