shieldborne | Negotiations (for buildsomething)

Tony has not been nearly so calm. He'd played it cool around Steve himself, largely because Steve seemed to want it, and then disappeared into his workroom at the first opportunity. And stayed there, though there wasn't exactly a ton of work getting done.

Mostly he's been rocking himself back and forth in his computer chair, brain chasing itself in circles as he tries to figure out what the hell he'd been thinking the night before. Not just the poorly thought out foray into kink, but then spending the rest of the evening using Captain America as a teddy bear. Just the thought of it makes him want to drop his forehead against his desk.

Except it had been...good. The sex itself had been fine, sure, though it was marred by remembering how he'd felt right after. No, what his brain has mostly decided to focus on is being tucked comfortably up against Steve. Steve offering to hold him down. Steve wanting to.

He has, at least, done his research in between his phases of self-flagellation. And there is...more there than he'd ever dreamed of, even for someone who hadn't exactly been celibate for a few decades. Fluffy handcuffs were apparently entry-level. Who knew.

He's in the middle of reading through it again -- just out of curiosity, of course -- when FRIDAY lets him know that the Captain is looking for him. Of course he is. Tony finds himself shifting a little, some mix of an urge to continue to avoid and a nervous anticipation fluttering in his stomach. But he finally sighs and let her know that Steve can come find him int he shop.

Tony's conspicuous absence for most of the day has Steve second guessing himself. In all fairness, he expected some shifty eyes and awkward avoidance. Maybe some unrelated verbal harassment. These are the ways they relate to one another most of the time anyway. Total flight is a little worrisome, though, and he finds himself analyzing not just the events of the previous night, but some of their prior conversations. Maybe offering himself as a partner was overzealous, and Tony was just too altered to protest? He didn't think so, but of all the Avengers, Tony's the one whose moods and leaps of logic baffle him the most.

Maybe he's just a little shocked in retrospect. The world may not be ready for kinky, bisexual Captain America. Oh, holy shit, what if there's already some kind of porno of that out there? It's conceivable, given the trading cards and comic books and radio program. Dear god, he hopes not. Yet another reason to never, ever google his own name.

Regardless, by evening he's decided the air must be cleared, because he is Steve Rogers and if no straightforward route exists, he will punch holes in walls until he creates one. Not literally, though. Not as long as FRIDAY is helpfully directing him to where Tony can be found lurking.

He comes in bearing coffee in a lidded tumbler. Decaf. It might be a peace offering, or maybe some strange way of courting. He sets it beside Tony, careful not to crush or knock over anything on the table before him, and makes an inviting gesture toward it. "Hey. You've been busy today. Doing research?"

He's smiling, but there's something uncertain in his gaze, eyes searching to see just how jumpy his friend is now.

"Hey," Tony returns, his tone slightly guarded but not actively antagonistic. He has no idea how to play this, how he's supposed to react. And even just seeing Steve now is making his pulse race, which is probably a sign of...something. Tony's not going to attempt to parse that out now.

He glances up at the Captain for a moment, almost searching, then leans forward to snag the cup. At least he comes bearing gifts. Tony can be reasonably sure he didn't screw things up too badly if Steve is still willing to bring him coffee.

"Yeah, sort of," he says, one side of his mouth ticking upwards into a slightly wry smile as his eyes flick towards Steve again. "There's...a lot of it. More than I expected."

The trouble is, there's no 'supposed to' in this scenario. It's completely unscripted, unrehearsed, and there are no understudies. Steve is feeling his way along cautiously, too, with the added complication that he feels he should really be projecting confidence. No one wants a nervous dom.

Of course, that's why he wanted to clear the air in the first place. This will work fine as long as they're on the same page.

So, the awkwardness is palpable, but he's willing to take acceptance of his gift as a sign of invitation, and quickly pulls up a second chair, sitting in it sideways, elbow on the table, chin in his hand. Steve's posture in meetings and debriefings is very military, very poised. Any other occasion and he sprawls all over the place.

"Well, you don't have to do all of it," he points out, matching his smile.

"Or any of it, you know. I mean, the offer stands, on my end, but I don't want you to feel obligated. That's important. We're not doing anything the both of us aren't okay with."

The upright-and-attentive posture can't help but make Tony smile a little before it's hidden by the coffee cup. Good to know that whatever this is ranks up there with getting chewed out by Fury. But the expression fades in favor of something more serious as he puts the cup back down.

"I guess that's the first thing," he says carefully, taking a moment to really weigh his words for once. Tony has a bad tendency to just blurt out whatever's on his mind, but even he knows that's not going to work here. The last thing they need is to get into a screaming match over something stupid.

"What's in this for you?" It's not accusative. More like confused. "I don't...really get what you'd be getting out of it." And if it's just for Tony's sake...he can do without being a pity fuck for a friend.

Steve's eyebrows go up, and for a moment he looks equally confused. Of all the questions Tony could have asked, that's not the one he expected. Then again, maybe he should have.

The glib, easy answer would be something along the lines of 'have you looked in the mirror lately?' but he doesn't think Tony's asking whether Steve thinks he's physically attractive. Objectively, the whole lot of them are a pretty good-looking bunch, although there's always room for personal opinion. Tony may be more insecure about many things than he lets on, but he probably doesn't need to be reassured he's pretty.

He's looking for something more personal. That's both touching and a little frightening. If you let attachment crawl under your skin too deep, if you let yourself fall in love, there's a risk--maybe an inevitability--of loss. Steve's not ready to give his heart away and then maybe have to watch this man fall screaming down an icy precipice or fade into the quiet twilight of Alzheimer's disease. But there's a middle ground, and maybe room for affection and lust to grow into something deeper, in time.

"I know I've been out of circulation a while," he says, awkwardly "and I'm not as...active as maybe some guys are? But I do like sex, and there's something fun about the things that were unspeakable taboos before being okay now."

He's blushing. So much for seeming calm and in control. "And I like you, believe it or not. You..."

He runs his fingers through his hair and gives him a a faintly exasperated look. "You drive me up the wall. Half the time you act like you don't take anything seriously and the other half of the time you're talking over my head. You're sarcastic, you push my buttons on purpose, and then just when I'm tempted to conclude you're basically a jackass you do something so incredibly brave it's downright humbling."

He makes a helpless gesture. "So I spend a lot of time wanting to throttle you and the rest of the time wanting to hug you. You challenge me. That's what I get out of you. I don't know, maybe this is the next logical step. I never saw you the way you were last night before. I'd like to see it again."

Tony can't help but blink once -- he'd been expecting something like I think we'd have fun, not this sudden outpouring of honestly. It makes his eyes flick away for just a moment, finding something fascinating on the far wall. He's not good with heavy emotion, never has been. Giving or hearing it.

But this is something more than just offhandedly suggesting a fun evening. At least, Tony's pretty sure it is. But either way, everything he's read has been very clear on the fact that open communication is important. So if they're doing this, he's going to have to suck it up.

"Okay," he says, making himself meet Steve's eyes again. "So, to be clear. I do want to try this. With you." He lets himself fall quiet again. Then, since Steve's admittance is probably worth something in reply, "I trust you."

Steve's never thought of himself as particularly emotional, but he does prefer to be honest when he can. Maybe letting it out was partly to help him sort himself out, too, because now that he's spoken he seems to relax subtly, the brief blush fading again.

He's watching Tony for his response, though, with the same focused, analytic blue stare of the night before. He's not completely sure what he sees, but he's sure he doesn't see fear or reluctance or anything to suggest the other man feels pressured. Good enough.

He smiles a little, nodding. "That's a start. And I'm glad you trust me. I trust you, too: to be able to tell me what you want and what's too much for you to take comfortably."

"So...I can tell you what I like and what my limits are, but I don't want to influence you. Do you want to go first?"

The smile that flashes across Tony's face in return is wry. "Have you ever known me to be particularly easy to influence?" Last night aside. It all seems foggy in retrospect, but not...uncomfortable. At least, not the parts with Steve involved.

And that's really the crux of it. He wants that back, that easy comfort. The ability to just reach out without worrying about appearances or personas. Knowing someone could or would just take care of him for a moment.

Problem is, he's still not entirely sure how to ask for it.

He lets out a long breath and reaches up to scrub a hand through his hair. "We remember that I have no idea what I'm doing here, right? You...clearly do. So we'll start with you."

"Is that a trick question?" He fires back, almost reflexive, and now his eyes are sparkling again. But it's a fair assessment. Tony is almost as stubborn as Steve is. They're more likely to butt heads than for one of them to railroad the other.

He sobers again when he's offered the floor, and nods, taking a moment to think it over. Not because he doesn't know what he does and doesn't want, but because sorting it out into words is tricky.

"What I like on the receiving end and what I'm comfortable giving are very different things," he says after a moment. "When I'm subbing, I want to get hit as hard as the other person can hit me. Literally and figuratively. It's like I want the pain to just...remind me I'm strong enough to handle it. And orders so I don't have to think too hard."

"Just for your information. I know we're not working from that angle." At least not to start with. Terms are negotiable as they go forward.

"When I'm topping, my first impulse is usually aesthetic. Artistic bondage, wax play in colors, that kind of thing. It's relaxing, putting someone into positions where I want them and just enjoying the results. I do sketches sometimes, with permission. Usually I let the other person keep them for privacy's sake. It's more about the process, anyway."

He glances at Tony's wrists briefly, as if checking for the bruises that were there the night before. "With pain play, I'm really leery of impacts. It takes a hell of a lot of concentration not to hit too hard, so if that's something you want to explore, just know it's a lot of work for me and I may have to call a stop if I feel like my control is off."

"And I just don't like heavy humiliation, giving or receiving. Kneeling or crawling are on the table, but I'm not going to verbally abuse you. I'm more likely to be...encouraging."

There are still faint marks around his wrists. Tony had almost forgotten about it, though following Steve's glance at his arms makes him almost want to cover his hands for reasons he can't quite identify. He doesn't. Mostly out of sheer stubbornness.

There's a lot to think about to take his mind off of it anyway. The idea of Steve subbing is startling -- and okay, that will teach him to make assumptions -- in a way that's already sparking ideas, but definitely needs to be tabled for later. Much later, probably.

"Let me start," he says slowly, fingers tapping an absent-minded rhythm on the desk in front of him, "by saying I'm willing to try a lot of things. In general, yeah, but with this especially. I don't know what I like yet, and I don't think I'm going to figure it out if I don't actually experience it. But."

He takes a breath and forces himself to hold Steve's eyes. "I don't want you to hit me. I definitely don't want you to insult me." Those, at least, he's very sure about. There's a lot of connotations there, with who they are and what they do. Even in a controlled setting, Tony's pretty damn sure that wouldn't go anywhere good. "I'm not looking to be taken down a peg or brought to heel or anything. I just...

"I think a lot. You may have noticed." He smiles a little wryly. "Somewhere in what happened, I stopped thinking so much. That, I liked. A lot."

Steve nods calmly, watching Tony's face. There's no sign of discomfort there beyond the very-much-expected uncertainty of exploring something new and intimate. "I like that you trust me to try to give you that," he says quietly.

He's relieved to hear Tony isn't looking to be humiliated. It's such a solid, hard limit for Steve, and he'd hate to have to send Tony into someone else's arms for something so delicate. He smiles a little, echoing the other man's expression.

"I think we're on good starting ground, then. Like I said before, I've done a lot of this kind of thing in a non-sexual context, but with you...I want sex to be a part of this. Is that something you want, too?"

His ears are pink, a subtle blush, but he forces himself to clarify, "And if so, I want to know whether you're comfortable with giving and receiving oral, and/or with me fucking you, during a scene."

Steve Rogers just said fuck. Tony looks a little like he's having a harder time processing that than the rest of the conversation.

"I. Sure?" He says, once he's shaken his head to clear it. "I mean, all of my experience with guys is years old at this point, but it's not exactly the kind of thing you forget." And sex with Steve is...not something he can see himself turning down. In this context or out of it.

Though that does bring something else to mind. "So if this is a sexual thing...and a recurring thing, I think?" His tone lifts at the end to make it a question, but it's more rhetorical than not. "How exactly would we be defining this relationship?"

He's a scientist, he likes having names for things. Sue him.

Captain America does not swear. Steve Rogers, however, has an absolutely filthy mouth. You don't grow up in Brooklyn in the '30s without learning all kinds of useful dirty words. Besides, 'fuck' is a better word than most of the other terms he knows for it, which mostly range from clinical to comical.

He's amused by Tony's reaction, though, and his lips quirk briefly. "Just double checking. Not everyone likes everything."

He licks his lips absently, trying to think of what else they need to go over, whether this should be written out...and then he raises an eyebrow at Tony's question.

"Tony, did you just ask me to go steady?" He deadpans, but his eyes are twinkling. "I don't have a pin to give you, but I'll see what I can do about getting one."

Steve doesn't see a need to define this at all, clearly. But he's trying to be conscientious for the sake of Tony's peace of mind, and his own. "In all seriousness, I don't know. Are you looking for terms like 'lovers' versus 'friends with benefits'? Or something more like 'dom' and 'sub'?"

Tony makes an extravagant show of rolling his eyes, even as the word sub makes him pause for a heartbeat. That's what this is, and he knows it, but something about having the actual word submissive out there feels...off. Unsettling. Stark men are made of iron.

He pushed all that to the side with a wrench of mental effort. More things to pick apart later. Really, this entire thing was giving him more insight into his own mind than most psychologists he'd ever seen. Whether or not that was a good thing remained to be seen.

"Defining the relationship, smartass," Tony says dryly, as if his brain isn't whirring away at ten other things. "Fuckbuddies is fine, but is this monogamous? That kind of thing."

That eyeroll makes Steve feel like they're on more familiar territory. If there's any hesitation or trepidation behind it, he misses it for the moment. And probably there are dozens, even hundreds of euphemisms they could choose for the game they're playing, but Steve is not that interested in the semantics. At least not yet.

He chuckles at Tony's quip, nodding his understanding at last, and drums his fingers on the table thoughtfully. "Like I said earlier, I'm not in heavy circulation these days. Dating is awkward, and one night stands don't do anything for me."

He's not trying to sound judgmental. But like he's told Natasha, it's been hard to find someone with shared life experience. Steve's not looking for instant commitment, but someone he can connect with on some level is just important. "So...yeah. I'm not going to be looking on my own account."

"I don't want to cramp your style," he adds. "But I think I'd prefer if you didn't sub for anyone else. Sleep with whoever you want, I mean, but if you're okay with it, I'd rather keep this between us. How do you feel about that?"

One of Tony's eyebrows twitches into something wry. It's not as if he's not well aware of the general opinion on his relationships. Even if they are nothing like they used to be, he does have a reputation for a reason.

But he does at least take a pause to think about it. The other night had been an aberration for a lot of reasons, though he doesn't blame Steve for possibly assuming otherwise.

"Agreed," he says finally, simply. Honestly, if Steve hadn't been there, that first experience probably would have been enough to put him off the entire thing. He's not all that eager to try again with an unknown and he's far past the age where he felt a need to try things just for the sake of trying them.

"So the next question is. What do we say if someone asks?"

Steve may be a little biased. Somewhere under the stripes and spangles he's partly still the awkward 90-pound invalid who got dragged on double dates by his best friend, and never did learn how to approach women with charm and aplomb. (With the possible exception of Peggy, who he learned to approach by following her lead, hence most of his success with her.) In short, he's used to assuming everyone is having more sex than him, and that's fine. Plus, Tony is aggressively charming. If his metaphorical dance card isn't full, Steve assumes, it could be.

He smiles at the agreement, nodding, and then goes pink again as he considers that question. The team will figure things out no matter what they say. At least, they'll pick up on the fact they're sleeping together, and probably be content to not ask about the details of those sessions. That'll be awkward, but tolerable. The real problem is if someone outside the team starts asking obnoxious questions. The Avengers aren't exactly media darlings, but someone, somewhere, might seize upon their intimate affairs as a way to sell magazines.

He really doesn't like that idea.

"I...don't know about that one," he says quietly. "Obviously the others will know, sooner or later. That's no big deal. Aside from that...You're the one who's had press conferences before. What would you say?"

He can't really argue on the first part -- being a nosy bastard is practically part of the job description even if they didn't all live together, but it's not like the team is going to judge whatever they get up to. Well. They might give them shit for it, but Tony's pretty sure they're at the point where nobody's taking it seriously.

For the rest...Tony exhales hard as he leans back and folds his arms across his chest. "Depends," he said finally. "There are different ways you can play it. Obviously the...details of it are nobody's business but ours. But if we were going to actually go public with a relationship."

He trails off, eyes going distant as his brain runs through all the options at once. Well, there was always a possibility that they could just keep everything to the tower and spend the rest of the time as business as usual. But even to Tony, that feels wrong somehow. Maybe they aren't going steady or however Steve phrased it, but he's not going to pretend it means nothing to him just because the press can be assholes.

"Honestly," Tony says slowly, letting himself focus back in on Steve, "I'd be most willing to just wait and see if anyone noticed and then play it from there. But you're the one who'd be catching the worst of it. There's nothing anyone can say about me that hasn't been said before and everyone knows it. But you...you haven't had a major scandal yet."

Steve can take teasing from the team. Friendly harassment is a long way from bullying; it's just how comrades-in-arms show affection. He learned that thoroughly in the army, although he and Bucky were assholes to one another long before that. Anyway, Tony is one of the more enthusiastic people he knows at giving him shit, so surely it won't be so bad if they're both on the receiving end. ...Right?

The phrase go public with a relationship actually gives Steve a chill. Nothing good has ever come of him being in the actual limelight, and the idea that he owes any kind of explanation of his own doings and desires to anyone other than those closest to him goes right against his grain. The clench of his jaw and sudden stillness says more about his thoughts on the matter than any words he might dredge up could.

Except then he thinks about Tony and how he's dealt with all this bullshit for years somehow. He doesn't doubt it's one of the many things he needs a break from thinking about, and his gaze softens as he searches the other man's face. "There's no reason it should be a scandal."

"No, really. I know people will frame it that way if they want to, for whatever reason they can find." Bad boy Tony Stark seducing the innocent Captain America? It'd sell magazines, he imagines.

"But maybe it's time I took a stand, anyway." No one really asks his opinion on political or social issues, and that suits him fine, but if or when it comes out he's in a relationship with another man, people will be asking.

He shrugs, awkward and a little sheepish to find this is so much more complex than he expected. "I think waiting and seeing what happens is a good idea. There's no reason to make it anyone else's business before we've settled into it."

Tony quirks an amused look at him -- just because there's no reason it should be a scandal doesn't mean someone won't try to find a way -- but wonder of wonders, he just lets it go. Gives Steve a slight shrug and a flicker of a smile.

"Fair enough. And there's always a chance this whole thing turns out horribly and we never want to try it again and then it's all a moot point anyway." That's Tony. Always trying to give himself an emotional way out, just in case.

But he just clears his throat. "So anything else we need to cover? I do have a request, if you don't mind."

Steve has no doubt someone will find a way. He may not have much firsthand experience with the media, but he been unfrozen long enough to make some observations. Maybe it's the Information Age. There's so much data, commentary, supposition and extrapolation available, none of it has to be of any quality. It just has to catch peoples' eye.

"I think we should be able to continue to work together even if we screw this up," Steve tells him with a wry little smile. "But I don't think it's going to be a disaster. I wouldn't...pursue you this way, if I did."

He may not be able to make Tony's life any easier with this, but he doesn't aim to make it harder, either. "I think we should make a list of soft and hard limits, but we don't have to do it together. And a safeword, unless we're just going to use green, yellow, red...but I have a request, too."

"We can start with yours."

It's the word pursue that makes Tony pause for just a second. It's not that he doubts Steve's intentions at all, and he's clearly on board with everything, but a dark part of Tony's brain still can't help thinking that this is something Steve is just willing to help him out with. That it's for his sake. Reminders that no, Steve is definitely into this, wants this, are still catching him off guard.

He'll get used to it. Probably.

As it is, he shakes his head slightly to clear it. "I told you I'm pretty much willing to try anything, right? And I am. But I'd...like it if you told me what was going to happen, first. I don't need you to narrate everything or something like that, but like. A quick rundown before we get started. Let me know what to expect."

Hopefully, it will help him handle his reactions better. He may be willingly giving up control at least for a little bit, but he's never quite going to be able to stop trying to manage the world around him. He thinks Steve is already aware of that, he's not exactly subtle about it. But it doesn't hurt to get the point across.

"What's yours, then?"

Hopefully, once they're actually doing things rather than talking about them, Steve's enthusiasm for this will be harder to miss. He's been thinking about it already, trying to work out scenarios that will get Tony into the headspace he wants and deserves without nudging either of them too far from their comfort zones.

So, then, Tony's request makes perfect sense. "I think that's supposed to be best practices anyway," he says. "Especially when you're starting out. What I think I want to do first, if you're amenable, is mostly just light to moderate bondage. And maybe make some drawings of you, if you're all right with that."

A blindfold might be interesting, too...but one thing at a time. Steve takes a breath and reaches across to put his hand over Tony's. "Maybe it's a dumb, but I want to kiss you. Outside the context of a scene."

To establish physical intimacy, would be the easy, lazy way to explain the urge to do this, and he's tempted to fall back on it, aware of how sappy he sounds right about now. But Tony's been doing his best to be honest, so Steve will stay the course, as well.

Bondage is fine, that's pretty much where they started with this to begin with, the askance look Tony can't quite suppress is more at the idea of just...hanging there while Steve draws him. It's not that he objects, he just can't imagine that someone as, well, twitchy as he is will do well with enforced stillness. But what the hell, he's trusting Steve with the rest of it. If he finds it objectionable, he'll say so.

But Steve is still talking. Tony blinks once in response. And then lets out a completely startled laugh. Out of everything they've talked about so far, kinky sex and all, that's what Steve feels a need to specially request? The incongruity of it is amazing.

"Really? That's all?" Tony's still grinning wide like he can't help himself. All showmanship, he suddenly throws his arms wide. "Why wait? Come kiss me, you fool."

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