Link (Context: A displaced Tony Stark nonstopnarcissist sits in the kitchen of pre-serum Stevie's tenement apartment, and they talk about their school days. There is NSFW content in this thread; some narrative removed for brevity.)
Steve sets his fork down, one hand curling around his coffee cup just to soak up the warmth, but he's leaning forward, a captivated audience. "Okay, okay, I need details. You beheaded a brass statue...with an explosion? Damn it, I wish you had been at my school. I would have loved to see that. I think the best we ever did was put a live squirrel in the teacher's desk."
Which was not explosive, but was definitely messy and involved a lot of screaming and running from the classroom. The squirrel escaped unharmed. Several students got knocked down and stepped on in the mass exodus, but Steve knew them all and felt most of them deserved the bruising.
...Tony leans forward, elbow propped on the table, eyes bright with mischief. "Steve, how in the hell did you capture a live squirrel? They're like flies they just- they know when you're coming."
"Well..." he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. "In retrospect it was kind of mean to the squirrel, but I guess it has a good story to tell it's squirrel friends at the squirrel bar now. There's a lot of old ladies that feed them, down in Prospect Park. Breadcrumbs or peanuts, sometimes little pieces of fruit. And Bucky'd just been to visit his grandparents, and his grandpa used to hide liquor all over the house through prohibition, right? Well, he forgot where he’d hid some of it, and Bucky found it when he was cleaning out their attic, and he kept it and brought it home. We, uh, we tried it—I mean, who wouldn’t, right?—and it was absolutely the worst. I was laid up for two days trying to keep my guts from crawling up my throat.”
To say nothing of the Adventures had while drunk on terrible bathtub gin. But that’s another story entirely. “So after that I wouldn’t drink any more of it but there was a lot left. Soakin’ raisins in it for the squirrels was my idea. Most of them wouldn’t touch them, but one of them carried a couple off and we followed it. I don’t know if it actually ate one or if just holding them in its mouth made it drunk, but we found it sacked out under the bushes and I felt shitty about it because I didn’t want it to die.”
This is turning into a saga. “Bucky said to leave it alone, but I made him get me a shoebox and brought it home and gave it some water and hid it in the closet when my mom came home. It perked up a little overnight, and I was going to just let it go in the morning, only the only trees I knew of other than in the park were in the schoolyard, so I figured I’d let it go there--buuuuuut I ran late on the way to school and the teacher hustled me inside before I could explain I had a squirrel in a box, and I…never really liked that that teacher. I mean, I had good reasons, trust me.”
Something else to elaborate on later, perhaps.
“Anyway, I got mad and when she stepped out of the room to talk to the principal, I dumped the squirrel into her desk drawer. It was quiet for about fifteen minutes and then it started scratchin’, and finally she opened the drawer to see what the noise was about and—WHAM! Squirrelface.”
...Tony's well on his way to giggles by the time they meander to squirrelface but it's the fucking delivery that has him gasping for breath, crackling with bright, brilliant laughter. "Seriously? Right in the-"
He waves a hand over his face, tears streaming down his eyes. "Steve. Steve that's the best thing I've heard in months."
..."It just kinda...escalated," Steve says, grinning. "But yeah, right in the face, you know how they do when they get startled up a tree?"
He mimics little paws clawing the air. "She didn't know what hit her. And the kids panicked, so next thing we knew, the classroom's empty and half the desks are turned over...we got an extra long lunch period. And that's why I didn't get caught. At least four kids saw me, but no one wanted to snitch since we got out of class."
Steve's brief fifteen minutes of popularity in school. It was fun.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
The Squirrel Incident
Date: 2018-12-15 02:38 am (UTC)Steve sets his fork down, one hand curling around his coffee cup just to soak up the warmth, but he's leaning forward, a captivated audience. "Okay, okay, I need details. You beheaded a brass statue...with an explosion? Damn it, I wish you had been at my school. I would have loved to see that. I think the best we ever did was put a live squirrel in the teacher's desk."
Which was not explosive, but was definitely messy and involved a lot of screaming and running from the classroom. The squirrel escaped unharmed. Several students got knocked down and stepped on in the mass exodus, but Steve knew them all and felt most of them deserved the bruising.
...Tony leans forward, elbow propped on the table, eyes bright with mischief. "Steve, how in the hell did you capture a live squirrel? They're like flies they just- they know when you're coming."
"Well..." he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. "In retrospect it was kind of mean to the squirrel, but I guess it has a good story to tell it's squirrel friends at the squirrel bar now. There's a lot of old ladies that feed them, down in Prospect Park. Breadcrumbs or peanuts, sometimes little pieces of fruit. And Bucky'd just been to visit his grandparents, and his grandpa used to hide liquor all over the house through prohibition, right? Well, he forgot where he’d hid some of it, and Bucky found it when he was cleaning out their attic, and he kept it and brought it home. We, uh, we tried it—I mean, who wouldn’t, right?—and it was absolutely the worst. I was laid up for two days trying to keep my guts from crawling up my throat.”
To say nothing of the Adventures had while drunk on terrible bathtub gin. But that’s another story entirely. “So after that I wouldn’t drink any more of it but there was a lot left. Soakin’ raisins in it for the squirrels was my idea. Most of them wouldn’t touch them, but one of them carried a couple off and we followed it. I don’t know if it actually ate one or if just holding them in its mouth made it drunk, but we found it sacked out under the bushes and I felt shitty about it because I didn’t want it to die.”
This is turning into a saga. “Bucky said to leave it alone, but I made him get me a shoebox and brought it home and gave it some water and hid it in the closet when my mom came home. It perked up a little overnight, and I was going to just let it go in the morning, only the only trees I knew of other than in the park were in the schoolyard, so I figured I’d let it go there--buuuuuut I ran late on the way to school and the teacher hustled me inside before I could explain I had a squirrel in a box, and I…never really liked that that teacher. I mean, I had good reasons, trust me.”
Something else to elaborate on later, perhaps.
“Anyway, I got mad and when she stepped out of the room to talk to the principal, I dumped the squirrel into her desk drawer. It was quiet for about fifteen minutes and then it started scratchin’, and finally she opened the drawer to see what the noise was about and—WHAM! Squirrelface.”
...Tony's well on his way to giggles by the time they meander to squirrelface but it's the fucking delivery that has him gasping for breath, crackling with bright, brilliant laughter. "Seriously? Right in the-"
He waves a hand over his face, tears streaming down his eyes. "Steve. Steve that's the best thing I've heard in months."
..."It just kinda...escalated," Steve says, grinning. "But yeah, right in the face, you know how they do when they get startled up a tree?"
He mimics little paws clawing the air. "She didn't know what hit her. And the kids panicked, so next thing we knew, the classroom's empty and half the desks are turned over...we got an extra long lunch period. And that's why I didn't get caught. At least four kids saw me, but no one wanted to snitch since we got out of class."
Steve's brief fifteen minutes of popularity in school. It was fun.